THURSDAY 26 OCTOBER - BACK TO BASICS...

OK, I know, it’s Thursday again….. well, again I’m out all day tomorrow so it’s another Thursday visit to Sainsbury’s I’m afraid. And it is noticeably quieter than Friday, which I guess makes sense. Perhaps I’ll move my shopping day to Thursday permanently? And my cold has gone, so I’m a bit more on the ball this week (but, in my case, everything’s relative). Anyway, today I bought some salmon and a quiche from the Sainsbury’s ‘Basics’ range, and, frankly, I’m worried. The packaging is all white (whatever did happen to Michael Barrymore?) and very utilitarian and it looks like it has been smuggled in from Eastern Europe in a container at the dead of night. And basic actually means … cheap! So, the question is….. is the Basics range all it’s cracked up to be, or is it just being sold cheap to an unsuspecting public – more than likely students as I noticed the young lad behind me in the check out queue had a basket full of ‘Basics’. What would his mother say? Anyway I think I’m on to something here as the label on my salmon says ‘Salmon Fillets Different Shapes’ which doesn’t sound too bad (in fact I’d be more worried if they were the same shape as this implies some ‘management’ – not ‘modification’ note) but my (little) bill says ‘Salmon Fillet Tails’ ie …. the bum. Yuk! So I think I need to buy some more from the Basics range and see how the descriptions compare. Perhaps we are being sold a pup? Not literally, of course, but, then again, you never know…. More on this in due course! Moving on, I’ve found that the small chicken (still 1.3 kilograms and £2.79……scary) is actually too big for me unless I have chicken everything for 2 or 3 days so my brown friend outside the back door is doing rather well. The chickens go large, medium & small and what I need is very small or micro – an egg perhaps? And on to what is becoming my favourite area – the check out! I did ask for my Nectar points off this week, and everything I was told is true – I did indeed get £10 off my bill. And it is more sophisticated than I thought in that the 2000 points were deducted from my Nectar points ‘account’ so I don’t lose any points when I cash in. Even so, next time I will ask whether I can have the money off from the points I’ve earned from just the one shopping trip and see what happens – my guess is that I won’t be able to do it. We will see! The cashier asked whether I would like him to pack for me. This is an interesting question as to get round the store and buy from all the varying heights of shelves, fridges, deep freezes and so on you need to be able bodied with all limbs in good working order so having done all that packing is a breeze. I wonder why they ask it and who takes them up on their offer? Maybe I should feign exhaustedness (is this a word?) and then stand around whistling, reading the paper, chatting to the other customers etc etc. How nasty is that? Before I left I asked about the Published Terms & Conditions again and was told it had not been forgotten, come back next week (which of course I will), so hopefully I will be able to report on these soon. I also noticed that the ‘Supermarket of the Year’ banner has gone, come to think of it I don’t think it lasted more than a week. Clearly a week is a long time in retailing. You’ll be interested to know I’ve checked out what Sainsbury’s won and, believe it or not, they did well. At the Retail Industry Awards held at the Grosvenor House in London at the beginning of October (were salmon tails on the menu?) they won ‘Supermarket of the Year’ (beating Waitrose, Asda and Marks & Spencer – wot no Tescos?) and ‘Fresh Produce Retailer of the Year’, Julie Morton won ‘Store Manager of the Year’ (she runs the Hedge End branch in Southampton … is there an Arse End branch I wonder) and John King won the ‘Outstanding Achievement Award’. Whoever is John King I hear you ask. Well, he is Mr Sainsbury’s, the big cheese, the top dog, the Chief Executive. So, whilst well done Sainsbury’s, Julie and John, I have to say I’m not convinced about this kind of thing - it’s all a bit nepotistic and mutual back slapping for my liking and, frankly, not particularly relevant to the likes of me and my fellow shoppers. One of the judges drooled ‘Sainsbury's has given us permission to enjoy food. It has made good food mainstream - you come out of Sainsbury's wanting to cook’. Whatever does this mean? Looking at my fellow shoppers today I can’t see them rejoicing having been given permission to enjoy food, all they want to do is to do their shopping and get home as soon as possible. Following my disappointment with Little Bill’s car insurance offer last week this week I picked up the pet insurance leaflet. I don’t have a pet but I’d be interested to see what can (and more interestingly what can’t) be insured and how much it costs. You never know, I might buy a pet so I would like to know before buying what’s the cheapest to insure – a cross between a parrot and a lion perhaps. “What’s one of those called?” I hear you ask. Well, to be frank I don’t know, but when it talks you bloody well listen. The old ones are the best! Eat your heart out Michael Barrymore……… Fancy a swim anyone?

Items bought 21

Cost £30.45

Cost per item £1.45 (a record low?)

Checkout number 15

Nectar Points balance 90 (after the great October cash in of 2000)

THURSDAY 19 OCTOBER - LITTLE BILL'S BROTHER BIG BILL

OK, I know it’s Thursday but I’m away tomorrow so I have had to bring forward my weekly shop by 24 hours. And it’s very quiet! Maybe I should come on a Thursday every week? I have a stinking cold so I am not at my most investigative, I’m afraid. Still, I did check out Little Bill’s enticing offer of £126 off my car insurance during the week. Unfortunately Little Bill forgot to tell his brother Big over in insurance about his offer as when I had dutifully filled in all the boxes my quote came back as £135 more than my current premium! 55% more! So much for Little Bill….. I assume to actually get cheaper insurance from Little Bill you have to be 50 something, working in financial services, living on the Isle of Mull, driving a Smart for not more than 1000 miles a year and keeping it in a garage overnight. Well, I’m none of those things, but I am an average sort of person, driving an average sort of car and living in an average sort of city so I would have thought Bill could have done better. I will not be beaten though! Sainsbury’s have lots of other leaflets offering yet more ‘cheap’ deals so I will try something else soon. Back to my shopping! I decided to buy a cake for my son’s birthday. He has a nut allergy, not too bad these days, but obviously I needed to be careful. Could I find a cake either without traces of nuts or one which might not be tainted by nuts during the manufacturing process? In a word, no. I find it very surprising that all the cakes, and there were at least a dozen, were, in theory anyway, unsuitable for my son to eat. How can a jam sponge cake be possibly tainted by nuts during the manufacturing process? The only thing I can think of is that the bakery where they are made is staffed by people who are completely nuts and who spend their time tainting the cakes! Anyway, I bought one as I’m sure it will be OK. I assume Sainsbury’s are so paranoic, paranoaic, parannoyic, worried about being sued they say all their cakes are risky to nut allergy sufferers just to be safe. This has to be overkill (or underkill really). I bought some more British bacon this week – on the top shelf with all the other ‘adult’ bacon – and, get this for a title … ‘Ultimate outdoor reared unsmoked British back bacon rashers’. No wonder its packaging was so big! I have nearly cracked the Nectar points puzzle. At the till I was told again that 500 points = £2.50 off, so as my points are now just over 2000 I can get £10 off anytime I choose. But there is one final question, and that is as you can deduct the value of the points every time you check out what happens if you have less than 500 points? Does the cashier ask you if you want to deduct the value of your points only to inwardly smirk as he or she deducts ….. nothing?! So, a little bit more investigation to do before Nectar points are put to bed. I’ve noticed on my bill (not so little this week, due to the cake) that some items have a * against them. Whatever can this mean? I’m on the case….. That’s about it for this week (snuffle, snuffle) but you might be interested to know that if you are 50 something, working in financial services, living on the Isle of Mull, driving a Smart for not more than 1000 miles a year and keeping it in a garage overnight it will cost you £139 to insure it with Sainsbury’s….. unless you know better.

Items bought 24
Cost £43.92
Cost per item £1.83
Checkout number 14
Nectar Points balance 2030

FRIDAY 13 OCTOBER - "AND THE WINNER IS..."

Have just realised it’s Friday the Thirteenth. Well, nothing’s happened yet, so far so good. Anyway, I had a pleasant surprise when I arrived at Sainsbury’s just before lunch (no lunch again so I had to go then) - there was a big banner up saying ‘Supermarket of the Year 2006’. How exciting is that! But what on earth does it mean? Did they enter or was there a team of sleuths who went round Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, Tesco etc looking for ‘a pleasurable customer experience’, ‘quality with value’ and ‘a partnering exemplar’ and all those other phrases that mean very little to the average shopper. I will find out and report back! I wonder who came second but, more important, who came last?! Despite the bannered plaudit…… it happened. I got a wonky trolley! Doesn’t Wonky Trolley sound like a disease in Theme Hospital, almost as serious as Bloaty Head and Invisibility. Anyway, this thing had a violent twist to the left, which, although it made pushing it tough going, as my prevailing route is anti-clockwise it worked out really rather well. Had a big debate with myself about which green vegetable to buy. I know there is a well known phrase or saying, something like ‘A green a day keeps your spleen at bay’, and broccoli is just about as green a vegetable as there is. But it did seem expensive considering most of it is stalk. I have heard that people take in knives and cut off the stalk before buying broccoli because of this. I suspect this is a crime – theft, fraud, grievous broccoli harm? Anyway I settled on a baby cabbage which is just right for one. I bought another chicken this week. Oh, I took advice from an agricultural nourishment consultant (farmer) friend this week who said I needed to take off the cling film type wrapping before putting in the fridge. Why doesn’t it say this on the packaging? It was only by chance I mentioned it in passing so this problem could have persisted week in, week out and Sainsbury’s would owe me considerably more than £2.79. Talking of £2.79, I noticed that all the small chickens weighed exactly 1.3 kilograms and cost £2.79. How can this possibly be? It sounds like the humans in the film Logan’s Run who are programmed to die at 25 – perhaps these chickens are ‘managed’ (not ‘modified’ note) to die when they are a shade over 1.3 kilograms (to allow for feathers, head etc to be removed). Or maybe they are cleverly cut up but I could see no sign of any signs of this – they all had 2 legs, a breast, no beak etc. I do find this a bit unnerving but I’m not sure how I can investigate it further. You remember that I bought a bottle of Chilean wine that had 25% off, well today it’s 50% off. Needless to say I bought a bottle. I tried to buy some baked beans but could I find them? I did eventually, under ……. ‘pulses’. Whatever is a pulse? Well, the answer is ‘seeds of leguminous plants as food collectively’. So now you know! I asked about my Nectar points at the checkout again. The young man said I still had £7.50, but wasn’t sure whether this was before after today’s purchases, although he did say when I asked him why it was exactly £7.50 that he thought you get £2.50 for every 500 points. If this is true, then my balance will stay at £7.50 until I get 2000 points and then will go up to £10.00. I clearly need some tactics here – how silly it would be to cash them in now when I have 1944 points! I need to resist the temptation and wait until I have just over 2000 before taking this rash step. Clearly, I’ve not bottomed this out yet, so more on it in due course. At the checkout I noticed all sorts of leaflets for cheap loans, pet insurance and so on. I picked up the car insurance one – Little Bill says I can save up to £126 so it must be worth a try, but only if I can do it on line as I hate answering all those questions when you ring up for a quote. I asked at the enquiry desk to see the ‘Published Terms and Conditions’, as I said I would. The lady there was very helpful although thought I was completely insane (probably true). She undertook to find out and let me know in 2 weeks when she’s back from her holiday. Good for her. Both car park barriers are broken this week and the tyre squeal is getting worse – it sounds like a scene from Miami Vice now! Will have a drink of my wine tonight and toast Sainsbury’s success in becoming Supermarket of the Year 2006. Chilean wine at half price? They get my vote! I've just noticed that doughnuts on my bill cost 12p but are marked at 13p in the bakery area. For once in my life I’m ahead …

Items bought 31

Cost £50.61

Cost per item £1.63

Checkout number 23

Nectar Points balance 1944

FRIDAY 6 OCTOBER - MY FOWL IS FOUL...

First, I have to report a quality problem! The chicken I bought last Friday had a sticker on it saying ‘Use by 5 Oct’. Not sure what ‘use’ means – the mind boggles! Anyway, I kept it in my fridge and opened it on 3 October and…….. what a terrible smell! Clearly it had gone right off and was unfit for human (or my) consumption. So it was despatched to my hungry brown friend outside the back door and Sainsbury’s owe me £2.79. Interestingly I think the man in the street would say that ‘Use by 5 Oct’ meant use by midnight on 5 October. And he would be right! ‘By’ is defined in the dictionary as ‘Of time – not after’ so the proverbial man is correct. But is that what Sainsbury’s mean it to mean I wonder? Do they really mean ‘Use by no later than 4 October’? If so, their labelling is wrong. Whatever, my chicken would still have been off! Anyway, on to today’s visit. I had to go at lunchtime (as I had nothing for lunch) and I was expecting a huge crowd but it was surprisingly quiet. I bought a piece of ‘pork and egg cutting pie’ from the cheese and ham counter. The last time I bought a piece it was called ‘gala pie' and in fact before that I recall it was known as ‘veal, ham and egg pie’. I can understand that ‘veal’ is not politically correct any more and there was probably no ham in it anyway so that title had to change. But what was wrong with ‘gala pie’? Nice and anonymous and not as unhealthy sounding as ‘pork and egg cutting pie’. Mind you, I suspect it is somewhat unhealthy so Sainsbury’s might as well be honest and call it like it is. No sign of my friend the fencer today, I wonder where all those young men went. Are they butchering behind the scenes somewhere? At the check out the (what I will from now on call) cashier (a much better name than check out girl, don’t you think?) asked me if I wanted to have my Nectar points deducted from my bill or carried forward. ‘How much?’ I ask. '£7.50' she replies. So, with this information I can work out how much these dreaded Nectar points are worth. So, here goes... First, 2 Nectar points are awarded for every qualifiying pound spent. My balance after today’s purchases is 1844 points which would have therefore cost £922. And for this huge amount of money I have earned the princely sum of £7.50, a mere 0.8%. What a complete waste of time Sainsbury’s – scrap the scheme immediately and knock off 1% from everybody’s bill at the checkout and be done with it! I’m surprised though that 1844 points equates to £7.50 because that means that every point is worth a very odd fraction of a pence, .4067245p to be precise. This is the kind of figure that the Inland Revenue would dream up not a commercial organisation like Sainsbury’s. I’ll check my balance again next week – I may have misheard the cashier. The car park ticket machine and the barrier are both working this week. Hurrah! The tarmac on the ramps is getting worse though – the down side is now coming off and it won’t be long before it is a skid run when it’s wet. I committed the cardinal sin when I came in the car park – I actually stopped and backed up to go into a free parking space. The worm has turned!

Items bought 21

Cost £31.44

Cost per item £1.49 (better!)

Checkout number 14

Nectar Points balance 1844

FRIDAY 29 SEPTEMBER - TALKTALK TALK

Chucking it down with rain today as I get to Sainsbury’s at about 2.30, a bit later than I was hoping. Anyway, today the car park ticket machine is broken so everyone parks for free. I wonder how long it has been out of service? Perhaps it has caught some disease from the barrier just behind it? I’ve noticed that the tarmac on the ramp up to the car parking decks is starting to come off so when cars go round the corner there is the American style squeal of tyres. Also, in the wet, there is no grip in those areas. This will test the car park owner – to repair it means shutting the car park, so I suspect this is a problem that the car park owner hopes will just go away. I’m shopping for one today and it is actually quite difficult – chops, fish, chicken etc all seems to come in packs of 2 and upwards, so I’m going to have to be imaginative with the freezer (or eat 2 portions – how greedy is that?). I was accosted by a TalkTalk rep by the bakery. Not content with phoning me at home at all hours of the day and night they now attack me whilst I’m doing my shopping. The theme music on their adverts is Thunderclap Newman’s ‘Something in the Air’ – ‘Someone in Sainsbury’s’ is more apt, it seems. “Can I ask you a question?” she says. A good line because most people say yes and then they’re hooked. I say “Yes, but I won’t reply”, now how cool is that? I forget to collect some soup so I have to go back, the first time my list in ambulatory order has failed! At the check out I notice that the girl’s badge says her name is Dorota. Now, being a real European, I know that all girl’s names in Poland end in an ‘a’ (I wonder why?) so I ask if she is Polish. “Yes!” she says. I say I speak a little Polish and do a bit of practising (showing off really). I forget to ask where in Poland she comes from. The bill comes to £43 for a week’s shopping for one person. I allow my undergraduate daughter £40 a week in food money, so knocking off the cost of my beer from my bill, it seems that she is getting the right money. By the way, whatever did happen to Thunderclap Newman? Does anyone care? Do widzenia!

Items bought 27

Cost £43.88

Cost per item £1.62

Checkout number 11

Nectar Points balance 1782

SATURDAY 23 SEPTEMBER - BRINGING HOME THE BACON

Yes, I’m back again. Daughter off to university tomorrow so we’re doing a ‘big shop’ so she can eat for the next couple of weeks. Actually it’s quite relaxing – I push the trolley and she does all the shopping! We try and find some British unsmoked bacon (I’m sorry, I refuse to buy Danish bacon or, worse still, bacon from the EU) but it is virtually impossible to find any. In the end we find some Duchy bacon, I presume this is the stuff Prince Charles has for breakfast? I’ve worked out that I get 2 Nectar points for every qualifying £ spent. Yippee!

Items bought 71

Cost £117.67

Cost per item £1.65

Checkout number 16

Nectar Points balance 1696

FRIDAY 22 SEPTEMBER - NECTAR POINTLESS?

I’m in just before lunch today and it’s really quiet. Think I’m getting the hang of this! A really dull shopping experience, nothing to report. I’ve started looking at my bills in more carefully following the ‘Think Cashier’ message (still not sorted). I notice that there is a Nectar points statement at the bottom. I now have 1462 points! I presume this means I can get a free bag of crisps or something. I really don’t know why they bother with all this – the amount you ‘earn’ is so small and is it worth all the effort? Why not just give people who spend over £50 money off at the check out? Now that would be a real incentive! Anyway I’ve gone back to my earlier entries and put in the Nectar points balance, not sure why, it just seems an informative thing to do. Also there is a ‘Nectar Qualifying Balance’ which equals the amount of my bill – I presume that some purchases don’t qualify for Nectar points. What could these be I wonder? I also notice that the bill says at the bottom ‘Please keep for your records’. I wonder how many people (apart from me) actually keep their bills?

Items bought 36
Cost £63.81
Cost per item £1.62
Checkout number 20
Nectar Points balance 1462

FRIDAY 15 SEPTEMBER - "BELTS ON PLEASE..."

Bit earlier this week so the store is quite busy with lunchtime shoppers. Must curb my excitement next week and delay the visit until after 2 o’clock. Not a particularly interesting visit, although whilst debating whether to buy a doughnut or a Belgian bun at the bread & cakes display I overheard a conversation between 2 girls in the bakery. One of them has a large spider on the top of her curtains which although she is not afraid of spiders she is clearly concerned about it. It seems to have been there for a while, so long in fact she has called it Winston! Quite why she chose that name she didn’t tell or maybe she did after I had chosen a doughnut (12p, a bargain) and hurried on. Got to the checkout and asked the girl why the conveyor belt doesn’t work (as I resolved I would do) to which she replied that it does and promptly turned on a switch. ‘Would you like it on?’ she asks as my cauliflower, tomatoes, Special K and the like pile up at the end. ‘No thanks’ I reply. So, the mystery is solved – they do work but only turn them on if customers ask them to. So in reality they stay turned off. I notice that the stalk with the pin number machine on has collapsed so the whole thing is a bit of a mess, I’ll have to check in due course to see if it has been fixed. As I walk to my car an arriving driver sees me and stops waiting for my space. So, I deliberately slow down and take a while unloading my shopping from the trolley, taking it back to the trolley park to get my £1 back, getting in and driving off. When I finally do go there is a good queue built up and as I go round toward the exit I see lots of free spaces. Why do people do it? The car park barrier is still broken. When I get home I notice that my bill says ‘Published terms and Conditions Apply’. Whatever are these? Where are they published? I will enquire about this, something to look forward to!

Items bought 45

Cost £77.65

Cost per item £1.73

Checkout number 10

Nectar Points balance 1328

FRIDAY 8 SEPTEMBER - CHEESE & HAM ACTING

Now this is the day and time (around 2 o’clock) to shop. The store is virtually empty and I get round in record time, albeit not much of a record after only 1 previous visit (ignoring the quick after-visit). Still a record is a record! Maybe I ought to time my visits and divide it by the number of items purchased which would give a buy per minute ratio? This would then be something I could genuinely compare from visit to visit to see how I am doing. Anyway, I am really well organised this time – I have my list prepared in ambulatory order! Salads, then fruit, then vegetables, then the cheese & ham counter and so on. Talking of the cheese and ham counter I think this is an area that I will be reporting on a lot in future. Today there were six (sic) people behind the counter and one of the young men had realised that if he put his net hat in front of his face and held one of the big knives in front of him in a menacing manner he looked like a fencer! This was greeted with little mirth by his colleagues and even less by the waiting customers. I must watch out for more sparkling entertainment from the cheese & ham team in future! There is a big promotion on wine at the moment and a lot of it is 25% off. I guess the £8 a bottle stuff just doesn’t sell these days and so slashing the price moves it along nicely. I bought a bottle of Chilean white which was reduced by 25%. At the check out I notice that the conveyor belt that shoves all your shopping into a big pile isn’t working and I ask the check out girl why not. She mumbles that she doesn’t know so I vow to ask the same question every time I check out and see how long it takes to get an answer. Perhaps Health & Safety have closed them all down? On the way out the car park barrier is broken. Most people would have paid before they notice this so there is little or no incentive for the car park owner to get it repaired. Oh, I forgot to say that when I arrived I sped through the car park and drove straight into a parking place without having to follow the retards who trundle around the car park looking up every alley for a slot. On the way home, congratulating myself on an efficient shop, I realise I forgot to buy the steak for tonight’s supper. Oh well, chicken it is!

Items bought 27

Cost £45.86

Average cost per item £1.70

Checkout number 13

Nectar Points balance 1174

SATURDAY 2 SEPTEMBER - MY FUTURE'S ORANGE!

My first trip to Sainsbury’s as an enforced bachelor! I am reasonably well organised – my list is in some sort of order and I attack the task with gusto. Luckily I have a £1 coin with me so I can release my trolley from captivity, although I think I need to have a ‘permanent pound’ in the car as I can see that in future I might no be so lucky and carrying 2 baskets round instead of a trolley would be tricky. Saturday is not the day to visit! The store is very busy and progress is slow. My goodness it’s cold in the refrigerated area! You certainly need to keep moving - too long mulling over the hams and quiches could see hypothermia setting in. I note that there are 24 checkouts of which 6 are cash only/10 items or less etc and 7 to 24 are real checkouts with umbers over them. Before I leave I sketch out a plan of the first level of the car park (other shoppers eye me with suspicion) and resolve to try and park in as many different spaces as possible in the next 12 months. Sad, I know, but pioneering none the less! So, a successful visit - I can see that there is a lot that I can turn my attention in the coming weeks. Well, not that successful as it turned out because I forgot some things! So, I have to make a quick return visit on Sunday. How very annoying, hopefully just teething troubles. Although having said that, I’m quite glad I had to come back because I notice on my Sunday bill that it says ‘THINK 21 Cashier Confirmed Over 16’ whereas on my Saturday bill it says ‘THINK 21 Cashier Confirmed Over 18’. So can 16 and 17 year olds get away with something only on a Sunday? Some research needed! This time I go through the ‘10 items or less lane’ as I only have 6 items. There is an annoying man in front of me who insists on using a credit card for a transaction for the princely sum of £3.69. Why do people do this?

Items bought 33 + 6

Cost £57.17 + £7.63

Average cost per item £1.66

Checkout number 14 + 22

Nectar Points balance 1084