THURSDAY 19 APRIL 2007 - TRICKY QUICKIE

I've had to return to Sainsbury's only 2 days after my last visit due to figure conscious daughter demanding copious quantities of salad! Actually I'm the kind of person whose cup is always half full rather than half empty so I'm using this mini-shopping trip as an excuse to go through one of the '10 items or less' checkouts and thereby claim another scalp! Disappointingly, though, I don't know which ones I've already been through so it's all down to chance! The excitement of it all (not). When I arrived, though, I found I didn't have my wallet so I was on a strict budget of £5.59 (all the change I had in my pocket). This required me to add up my purchases as I went along and not forget the totals, which I found difficult as I was being constantly distracted by all the activity going on around me. Anyway, I got it away as you will read (not much) later! Although it was a very short trip I noticed some ready meals with a notice saying that the tray in which they are packaged bio-degrades at the same speed as a banana! This is very interesting - if these meals can be packaged in a truly environmentally friendly piece of packaging, then why not everything else? However, I was somewhat suspicious as the picture of the tray in the notice didn't look like the tray in which the meals were packaged. Anyway, it's worth looking into more closely so more on this in due course. Also, my daughter kindly (?) pointed out that the Wheel of Health (or whatever it is called, I can't remember) on my quiche lorraine (or Lorraine Quiche as she is known on my bill - the well known French tart) is predominantly red, ie it's a killer. Perhaps it should be renamed the Wheel of Death for this particular product! Anyway she has challenged me to buy a much healthier quiche in future (if that's possible). I'll let you know how I get on. Finishing on a high note I went through aisle 3 at the checkouts - another notch on my trolley! And I got my list away for £4.93!!

Items bought 7

Cost £4.93

Average cost per item £0.70

Checkout number 3

Nectar points 1282 (as last time, didn't have my card)

Active Kids vouchers 29

TUESDAY 17 APRIL 2007 - COHO MEMO

Lots to talk about this week, so here goes! We have had the vernal equivalent of an Indian summer over the past week or so and the temperature outside is in the 70s. So, ever mindful of the environment Sainsbury's have turned on their air conditioning and, my goodness, is super cold in the area with all the fridges. Must remember to wear my arctic clothing next time - a Crew t-shirt (or is it tee shirt?) was just not man enough I'm afraid. Anyway, on to the shopping. Whilst shivering in the vegetable area I noticed a little sign under the small clear plastic bags that you put your loose vegetables in (incidentally when these are scanned in at the checkout out they come up as 'Parsnips Loo' or 'Bananas Loo' on the little screen above the cashier. Hopefully not a reflection on the quality of the produce!) that says they are 'recycleable'. Hmmmm. I cannot believe that if these go to landfill they would take anything less than 1000 years to biodegrade and I suspect what Sainsbury's mean is that you can use them again, which is hardly recycleable in the usual sense of the word. I wonder who I can ask about this - I know I'll e-mail the big orange (the Sainsbury equivalent of the big apple) and put the question to them. I'll keep you posted! Now, at the cheese and ham counter I am referred to as 'Sir' by the ladies that serve (bizarre, I know, but then I am of a certain age) and today was no exception - "Thankyou Sir" said Mary or whatever her name was (I should have checked, I'm slipping). Coincidentally immediately after I had finished my purchasing a young lady asked if she could take one of the small 'recycleable' bags at the side of the counter (them again!) to which the reply was "Of course, love". Love? It must be an age thing. I'm sure a lady of a certain age would be referred to as 'Madam' as I am as 'Sir' but below that age it's 'Love' for all! One for you linguistics experts to get your teeth into! There was a big row near the sausages this week. Little Johnny had been sent off by his Mum to buy a stamp and had come back with a book of 12! Much lecturing from Mum about "Why didn't you buy just one?" (answer - the queue where they sell them was too long) and "£5, that's your pocket money gone for a week" (answer - pursed lower lip). He looked most disconsolate, poor lad, and if I had had £4.08 (the cost of 12 stamps, her math is worse than mine!) I would have bought the book off them to relieve the misery. I use quite a lot of stamps so they would have come in handy. Actually it would have been only £3.74 as they would have kept one, but even for this lower amount I didn't have enough change on me. So I had to leave this forlorn little group to continue with their angst and soul searching. I did see them later on and relationships had thawed somewhat (moving out of the fridge area would have helped) as there was some more normal conversation and even the hint of a smile! Remember the Dyson Animals and my prediction that they would be extinct within a week? Not so! There are now 4!!! They must be procreating after the store closes! I still cannot believe these will sell, but, then again, you never know - we are a nation of dog lovers. This week I saw an attractive young lady in a wheelchair doing her shopping with her basket on her knees. I watched her for a while (journalistic interest only) and as she had no assistance 50% of Sainsbury's products were simply out of her reach. This raises an interesting point about Sainsbury's policy for disabled access - no problem with getting into the store (plent of lifts, wide aisles and so on) but when in the store then what happens? I wonder if Sainsbury's provide a helper if they are asked? And do they ask this routinely like they ask if you want help with your packing every time you go through the check out? Of course, I should have asked her how it all works but when I thought of this I was pretty much finished and she had disappeared. Maybe one week I should feign disablement (a la Andy Pipkin) and see how I get on? On to the checkouts. No No 24 (sic) again this week - I am not hopeful of ever getting through this one as the aisle has a couple of broken chairs in it and the bit where you stick your shopping has piles of magazines & newspapers on it, so clearly it is seen as a bit of a dumping ground and not a real checkout. This week my cashier had a routine that I'd not seen before - she put certain items in smaller bags (those 'recylceable' bags again!) before I stopped her. I assume it was something to do with putting smelly stuff (fish, dishwasher powder etc) in its own bags so as not to taint the rest of the stuff but, my goodness, is it really necessary? Has the world gone completely bagging mad? I asked for some petrol vouchers (as I said I would) and the cashier looked at me blankly which I took to mean "Sorry, Sir, petrol is not on a promotion at present". Or perhaps "Sorry, love, petrol ..." Whilst in the queue I did some interesting reading. When I released my trolley from captivity in it was a page from an internal Sainsbury's e-mail headed 'Plinth Update'. This seems to be some kind of stock control edict from the big orange as the first item was JS Wild Alaskan Salmon (which I had bought ... ) and saying that 'We currently have excess stock of this line and are expected to incur significant wastage' and going on to tell my store what to do about it, in this case to reduce the price (now I could have thought of that) and to 'dress this product into the meat plinth in the space allocated for Young's salmon fillet promotion'. Not sure what 'dressing' means (perhaps the Alaskan national costume?) and also why fish is in a meat plinth and whatever is a plinth anyway? And won't Youngs be a bit cheesed (fished) off if they find they've been booted out? The memo went through all sorts of products - Cathedral City, jumbo king prawns, even Champagne! Some were having their promotions extended and some were late with delivery from suppliers and so on. And each one had detailed instructions as to what to do and a name and London telephone number to call in case of query. So, presumably Sainsbury's have an army of stock controllers in London who are micro-managing each product in each store. Wow! I have to say I was hugely impressed. I thought I was organised but this takes this biscuit (metaphorically speaking, of course). In fact I am so impressed that as anything else would be a complete anti-climax I'm finishing this dairy entry immedi

Items bought 25

Cost £42.87

Average cost per item £1.71

Checkout number 20

Nectar points 1282 (I feel a cashing in coming on)

Active Kids vouchers 29

FRIDAY 13 APRIL 2007 – 21 TODAY (NOT)

Another Friday the thirteenth and, as last time, nothing unlucky has happened to me today apart from having to make my second visit this week to the orangery! My daughter is still home and my son too so I am being eaten out of house and home! So, here I am again. Before I start, I forgot to mention on Tuesday that at the bottom of the 2004 bill (that I used for my SPRINTY index) there was a Petrol Discount voucher. I asked Mr Sleepy the cashier for my petrol voucher and he looked at me strangely (most people do) and said ‘No promotion at moment’ (he is not of these shores). Frankly, after the Kids Vouchers huge miscalculation and all the yawning I don’t believe him, so next week (I forgot this week) I’m going to ask again for a petrol voucher and see what happens. Talking of promotions I took another look at the Special Offers board (still by the fish counter) only to find it was … totally obscured by a Hovis loaf cardboard container. This is not to say that Hovis loafs (or is it loaves?) are made out of cardboard (but then again …) only that there was an empty promotion (I presume) display thingy in front of the board. Based on my experience of Sainsbury’s promotions thus far I cannot believe that this promotion actually worked and all the loafs (loaves) were sold, but you never know! Next, booze. I now carry round my green re-usable bags in my trolley and I bought some beer and wine but as my trolley was somewhat full (for the hungry hoard) I put the beer and the wine into the bags. I half expected alarms to go off and to be surrounded by surly security men (some customers I’m sure would like this but not me) but nothing happened. Of course, I was honest and took them out at the checkout but I bet many don’t and I suspect they just walk through the checkout without paying. Can it really be that easy? I must check out checkout security sometime and report back. I looked again in vain for English wine this week without success. I thought someone of note (Mr King perhaps?) was reading this diary but perhaps not as Sainsbury’s still prefer to stock horrible wines like Liebfraumilch and Piesporter (Pissporter, more like) in preference to our own home grown stuff, but there you go. Anyway, I did buy some Mouton Cadet at 25% off, so all was well. This is made/brewed/trodden by Chateau Mouton Rothschild in the Bordeaux region of France. The real stuff is unbelievably expensive (and red) but the people’s offering of Mouton Cadet is pretty good. Did you know that each year a famous artist is commissioned to design the label for the Chateau Mouton Rothschild posh stuff? Picasso, Warhol, Kandinsky, Bacon et al. Interesting! Anyway, my daughter asked for some low fat olive oil (isn’t this an oxymoron?) and I searched high and low for it. I have to say that there is a bewildering display of olive oils (or is it olives oil?) with some bizarre names – I noted Picual, Hojiblanca and Kalamata to name but a few. These are either the olive variety or where they come from, I can’t remember, but, whatever, good for Sainsbury’s on some clear food labelling for once! And if they can do it with olive oil, then why not the ready meals I ask myself? Now, one thing I found hard to resist was the Dyson Animal hoover. This is a hoover that, bizarrely, is designed to pick up animal hairs but quite why one was for sale in my Sainsbury’s I have no idea. Clearly no-one else does too as even with £110 (yes, £110) off it was still sitting forlornly on the shelves. Frankly I can’t see it being there much longer and I expect it will go the way of the duvets, plates, wooden boxes etc in due course. I’ll keep an eye on it and let you know. On to the check out. I got in the queue for aisle 20 (it was busy today) quite near to the lectern (I presume this comes out at busy times, like today lunchtime) and I heard the lecturer (he who mans the lectern) say “John (or somesuch name) … 21 please”. Aha, I thought if I hang back I can be first into aisle 21 and out quicker. Anyway, John (or whoever) eventually turns up and logs on and fiddles with the cash drawer and all the usual kind of timewasting stuff and by the time he was ready I had had to put my stuff on the aisle 20 receiving area (not sure of the technical name for this). Damn! My cunning plan has been foiled! Anyway, it was worth going through this aisle as the cashier turned the moving belt on without being asked (the first time in ages) and then kindly asked if I preferred it on or off. "On please" I said - absence makes the heart grow fonder! And she nearly got the Kids Vouchers right (£68 should get me 6 but I got 7) but why she got it wrong I’m not sure as I’ve just noticed that for the first time there is a Kids Vouchers bit on the bottom of the bill which tells the cashier precisely how many to give out. Maybe they are deliberately ignoring this and giving out as a many vouchers as possible? And if they are, good for them! And on that (belt) moving note that’s it for this week (I hope – two visits are more than enough … ). Sorry, not quite it, I've thought of another slogan for the Coinstar machine - how about 'Relieve pressure on your groin, get rid of all that coin'. No? Well, give me some credit for trying ...

Items bought 39

Cost £68.49
Average cost per item £1.75
Checkout number 20

Nectar points 1198
Active Kids vouchers 32 (still no e-mails asking for these!)

TUESDAY 10 APRIL 2007 - INDEX FIGURES

Whilst buying some bananas and other vegetables at my local greengrocer (I ran out, obvoiusly my list making is not as good as it used to be) I asked for a bag to carry it all in and found in the bottom an old Sainsbury's bill from January 2004. With this in hand and a little investigative research at this week's trip to Sainsbury's (the Tuesday after Bank Holiday Monday - very quiet) I can produce my own SPRINTY (Sainsbury's Price Rises IN Three Years) index. Anyway, more of that later. On the way into my Sainsbury's I noticed the banner headline on the Financial Times saying that the Sainsbury family are 'holding out'. This is all to do with the takeover bids that are floating around. I have to admit that I'm not really following it - you will remember I said I would buy some shares and just as I said this in came the bids and up went the price! So I'm a bit miffed and not following it on a point of principle. Whatever, good for the Sainsbury family! Why would they want to sell out the family business? It seems to be doing OK and as sure as eggs is eggs a new owner would no doubt make 'improvements' such as redundancies, store closures and the like and it would be a disaster if a deal was done and my local store got closed before the end of my year! So, Sainsbury family, if you're a bit short I've got a bit put by to help out (every little helps, as the saying goes ... ). How about some Nectar points or Active Kids vouchers? Moving on, as I said, it was very quiet today and although I was just about the only customer one of the other customers was a man of more certain age than I am who was rabbiting on to one of the vegetable stocker uppers. On and on he went with "It wasn't like this in my day", "When I was young ... " - you know the sort of thing. The young stocker upper was clearly disinterested but, good for him, still had customer care uppermost in his mind and agreed with everything that was coming his way and just kept on smiling. As I was waiting for this little ensemble to break up so I could get to the mini cabbages I noticed that the stocker upper wasn't in fact stocking up but was about to reduce the price of ... the mini cabbages! I immediately seized on an opportunity to barter. "How much are you reducing them by?" I asked. "5p" was the reply. "How about 10p?" I asked (every little helps). "Maybe later but not now". "Are you sure?" "Yes". "Done!". Now I know 5p doesn't sound a lot but it's equivalent to a discount of 12.8% so not a bad return for the minute I spent half listening to my fellow customer's drivel. And, if my math is right, 5p for 1 minute is £3 an hour, half the minimum wage for doing nothing! Nice work if you can get it. The store looks really uncluttered this week as all the promotional stuff has gone (plates, wooden boxes, duvets etc etc) as have the Easter eggs, chocolates, chicks etc etc. Before I bore you rigid with my SPRINTY index a little bit on the checkout experience. I was standing in a queue when the lady in front of me proudly announced that the next door man was empty. My goodness, I thought, either I'm going deaf or she has eaten too many Basics! Whatever, having looked around in vain for a skeletal male I eventually realised that what she meant was that the next check out was clear and must have been for some time because the cashier was busy ... yawning. So, through I went and clearly he was half (or completely) asleep because not only did he not offer me cashback (a hanging offence) but also he gave me 20 Active Kids vouchers for £31.06 of expenditure. You'll be pleased (amazed) to know that I've got to grips with Active Kids vouchers much more quickly than I did with Nectar points so I can categorically say that £31.06 of purchases equates to 3 vouchers (1 voucher for each complete £10 spent) so I'm 17 vouchers up! By the way, I'm still waiting for an e-mail from a school asking me for my vouchers - I suspect that now I have 25 vouchers my inbox will be overflowing! And, I've decided to include them in my sums at the end of each diary entry. Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for - my SPRINTY index. I have to say that it was not that easy to find exactly the same products as were bought by Customer X in January 2004 and I had to give up on a good number but here are the ones I managed to find (the 2007 prices come first then the 2004 prices in brackets):

Baked beans in tomato sauce - 28p (31p) = - 10%
Tuna steaks in olive oil - 88p (79p) = + 10%
Lady Grey tea bags - 189p (159p) = + 20%
Mushrooms closed cup (.225 kg ) - 52p (54p) = - 4%
Tomatoes (4.85kg) - 72p (62p) = + 16%
Bananas (.85kg) - 72p (67p) = + 7%
Semi skimmed milk - 66p (58p) = + 14%
Olivio - 228p (215p) = + 6%
Tropicana organic orange - 244p (248p) = - 0%
JS ham & pineapple pizza (yuk) - 299p (269p) = + 11%

Total - 1242p (1242p) = + 7.7%

So, my SPRINTY shows a 7.7% increase in just over 3 years. Now, the National Statistics Office website (very uninteresting) shows that the All Food index was 152.6 at 16 December 2003 and 161.4 at 13 February 2007 (the latest available). The increase works out at about 0.2 per month so if I add 0.4 to the February 2007 index this takes us up to mid April 2007 (come on, keep up!) and an index of 161.8. So, the Food Index has increased by 6% over the period, compared with my SPRINTY index of 7.7%. So are Sainsbury's ripping us off? Probably not as my index is not representative (how many men on the Clapham omnibuses (or is it omnibi?) buy Lady Grey tea?) and can only be a rule of thumb guide. I guess what it shows is that Sainsbury's increases are pretty much in line with everyone else's which is what you'd expect in such a competitive market place. And with that, I will wake you up to tell you that that's it for this week and you can go back to sleep.

Items bought 27
Cost £31.06
Average cost per item £1.15
Checkout number 13
Nectar points 1062
Active Kids vouchers 25

WEDNESDAY 4 APRIL 2007 - ANYONE FOR CROQUETTE?

Yes, I know there's been a bit of a gap since my last entry (not sure I should say that ... ) but I've been 'en France avec ma femme'. Anyway I got back on Tuesday to an emptyish fridge and a hungry daughter so my first chore is a trip to JS. And has absence made my heart grow fonder? In a word, no! Had to park on one of the upper levels today so took the lift down (lazy) and I noticed that a seductive female voice said 'Going Down' as the lift doors closed. I thought my luck was in but it wasn't to be ... perhaps I needed a longer trip in the lift? Anyway, the Specsavers leaflet giver outer was standing outside Sainsbury's today (Specsavers is next door) giving out, er, leaflets. Now, I always refuse this kind of thing but it's surprising how many people take a leaflet for something they are not remotely intereseted in. I usually say 'No thanks' quite politely (no need to be rude, the giver outer is only doing his or her job) but the 'lady' in front of me was much more to the point and verbally attacked him with a loud 'Piss Off!' The giver outer and I were somewhat taken aback by this but he took it in good heart with a smile on his face. Later I saw her muttering to herself in the store so clearly she needed more than some new specs. The bowls and dishes are gone! The 'Night In' promotion has presumably come to an end (dawn?) and so the remaining stock of bowls and dishes have been rounded up and disposed of. I wonder where they went? Very few, if any, were given out so there was quite a pile. I took another look at the 'Top 10 Offers' board today (next to the fish counter) and it seems to be brighter and newer than I remember it - has someone actually been reading my diary and taking action as a result?? Anyway, my eye alighted on the 'Corn Cobbettes 6 for 4' offer as a) I have never heard of a cobbette and b) whilst I've seen 3 for 2 offers before 6 for 4 seems quite bizarre. Whatever next? How about running a 17 for 13 promotion on something to get our mathematical juices really flowing! And whatever is a cobbette? Normally 'ette' is added to a word to signify 'female' or 'smaller' but as I assume corn on the cobs (or is it corns on the cob?) are sexless (but, my goodness, they look male to me) cobbettes must be small cobs which which sound a whole lot better than saying ... small cobs? If adding 'ette' to the end of a word does indeed signify smallness is baguette a small bag, palette a small friend and belette a small bell? Actually belette is French for weasel so if Sainsbury's run a 'Belettes 3 for 2' promotion, be careful! Going back a bit, 'alight' is an interesting word. The only time I've heard it is on London Underground where the young lady says 'Alight here for ... '. Whatever our foreign friends make of it I have no idea as I can't believe 'alight here' can possibly be in their phrase books. It does seem odd to use an expression which may be grammatically correct but rarely used in everyday speech but having said that 'Get off here for ... ' doesn't sound terribly British does it? I do like it when she says 'Alight here for the Royal Institute for the Blind' - I'll leave you to think about that. Moving on! The regal looking 'British' banner under the Indian prepared meals has gone (someone is reading this!) to be replaced by a banner which says 'Indian'. So far so good, but the British banner now appears under the cottage pie, bangers and mash, beef & ale pie and other 'British' prepared meals. I get it now! It's actually nothing to do with where the food comes from it's the origin of the dishes on offer. Hmmmmm. Guess what? I had a reply to my e-mail asking where the fish in the breaded cod comes from! And the answer is ... the North East Atlantic. Phew, that was lucky - I had a sneaking suspicion that by not saying where it was from on the packaging it meant it was farmed in Peru or something worse. On to the check outs! 24 not open so no rejoicing yet but I got an Active Kids voucher this week. In truth, I've been offered them for a while but have turned them down. Now this is a really good promotion. Schools collect vouchers and then exchange them for footballs, gym equipment, sports kit and the like. I took a look at the 'shop' on the Sainsbury's website and a Slazenger Cricket Prohelmet can be had for 468 vouchers and a Mitre Tactic Football for 112 vouchers. The helmets sell for around £30 and the footballs for around £6.50 so the 'exchange rate' is around 6p per voucher. Now I got 5 vouchers for spending £50 with Sainsbury's so that's 30p worth, which doesn't sound much but if everyone was to collect them, my word, schools would be able to buy loads of stuff. The only question is ... what do I do with my vouchers? The first school to e-mail me can have them! Anyway, that's it for this week apart from to tell you that my Nectar points balance is exacly 1000. What are the chances of that happening? Who cares! Au revoir, mes belettes.

Items bought 36

Cost £52.58

Average cost per item £1.46

Checkout number 8

Nectar points 1000 (honest)