THURSDAY 7 DECEMBER – NOT GOING GREEN

Well I uncovered some surprising bananial (the adjective of banana) facts this week! Remember the green bananas I bought last week and my surmission (the noun of the verb surmise) that they would be dead cheap because Sainsbury’s probably paid very little for them? How wrong could I have been!!! There they were again this week being sold in a pack of 5 for 99p with no clue of their price per kilogram on the packaging (I thought that all food had to have this on the label?). So, I weighed them and found they were 0.7 kilograms. Doing the math means that they cost £1.41 per kilogram. This is hugely more expensive than loose bananas at 85p per kilogram (loose meaning they have become debunched) and Basics bananas which come in at 78p per kilogram. How can this be? Why should we have to pay more for the pleasure of watching them turn from green to yellow in the comfort of our own homes? Sainsbury’s, explain yourself please! Whatever, it’s the Basics for me from now on (despite my wariness Basics I really can’t see what can be wrong with Basics bananas, unless you know differently!). I asked again for English wine today on the principle that if I ask for it often enough the wine stocker upper (he who stocks up the wine) will get a message to the manager who will get a message to the regional manager and so on up to King John that there is a real demand for it and stock it they will. Bit of a long shot I know but worth a try. He said no it was no longer stocked but then was incredibly knowledgeable about which wines were good value etc etc and I took his advice and bought a New Zealand something or other (which was good!). I have checked out the home insurance and …… oh dear. First, the programme crashed right at the end of the answering of questions bit just as I was about to push the ‘Get Premium’ button. Ever persistent I tried again but the same thing happened. Up came one of those messages that are unintelligible unless you speak Icelandic, you know the ones with the little red circle in the top left corner. This one said ‘R6025 – Pure Virtual Function Call. Runtime Error’. Of course! I thought of that as soon as it happened. But, hold on, this must have been caused by Sainsbury’s, a good job it wasn’t serious otherwise it could have resulted in a claim! Whatever, this is not good, I know my wife’s computer is 5 years old but I’m surprised this could have happened. Come on Sainsbury’s please get this sorted! So, on to my computer (we are a multi-computer family) to try again. Now, my computer is a real cracker. My old one was forever old and, last year, looking at the Dell catalogue that comes with the Sunday papers (I suspect the only person ever to have done this) I saw one labelled as an ideal starter computer with a picture of two youngsters looking lovingly at the screen. All for £250 including VAT (for once they actually included VAT in the price quoted) and delivery (but excluding youngsters). So I bought one and….. it’s great! Anyway, this time I put in some realistic amounts for valuables and expensive single items and the like and kept getting a ‘You must ring us, we cannot do this online’ sort of message. So I bring these amounts steadily downwards until they are accepted, push the ‘Get Premium’ button and, somewhat inevitably, the amount is much more expensive than I’m currently paying for much higher levels of cover. So, thumbs down I’m afraid! Next week, life insurance (which could be tricky as I am ‘of a certain age’ albeit in good health). Next, the asterisks on the bill. These are items which include VAT. Simple, really, I should have realised this. There is a surprising range of stuff that includes VAT – wine, crisps, calendar (2007, I am thinking ahead) and even fruit juice. I did a bit of research and crisps are not regarded as food (how true!) and hence attract VAT, calendars are stationery not books (which are VAT free), wine you can understand as the Government is hell bent on grabbing as much tax as possible on anything remotely pleasurable but fruit juice?? I wondered it if it was a mistake and so sent an e-mail to Tropicana who indeed confirmed that fruit juice like fizzy drinks and the like attracts VAT. Completely bizarre. Why not make it VAT free and hence cheaper and hence more attractive than the unhealthy fizzy drinks? Why not, indeed. I did find out about the ‘Published Terms & Conditions Apply’ message at the bottom of the bill but the answer was so strange I need to do some more research before publishing my findings. I parked in bay 279 this week in the car park. This is the furthest space from the entrance on the dizzy heights of level 5 (or was it 6?). Can’t remember, must have been altitude sickness. Felt a real sense of pride as I assume I have boldly gone where none have gone before (what was that from?) but nearly got blown away as it was bloody windy up there in the jetstream!

Items bought 24

Cost £44.28

Cost per item £1.84 (higher as I bought a book)

Checkout number 18 (first time!)

Nectar points balance 674