WEDNESDAY 3 JANUARY 2007 – UNDERWEAR NIGHTMARE

A very embarrassing shopping trip today. Many, many years ago I bought some underpants in a Malaysian street market for the princely sum of the ringgitt (Malaysian currency) equivalent of 80p for 3 pairs (I remember haggling him down from £1.20, how cool is that). Anyway, I’ve worn these things day in day out but, sadly, after all these years they are, in a word, knackered. I do have other pairs to wear though! I’m a bit behind with the washing what with Xmas, hungry hoards, parties etc etc so I had to don a pair of the Malaysians today. And, very embarrassingly, the elastic waste band gave up the ghost whilst I was in Sainsbury’s so I had this bulge around my nether regions that looked as though I had just passed one of Bernard Matthews’ turkeys! Anyway, I had to abandon my shopping trip half way round and repair to the gents to remove the offending article meaning that for the rest of the trip I went commanche style (I think that’s what it’s called). How very daring! My Malaysians have obviously come to the end of their useful life so sadly they will need to go but how on earth do I dispose of them in an environmentally friendly way? Is there a bin for this kind of thing at the local recycling centre (formerly known as the tip) and, if there is, what colour do you think it will be? Don't answer ... Anyway, coping with all this drama meant that my usual observations are thin on the ground this week (like my Malaysian pants after I had de-donned them). I did notice, however, that the mince pies are still going strong at 50% off. I’ll give them another week before I leap in and grab a bargain! On the way out the lady in front of me at the car park barrier couldn’t get her ticket to work and so she pushed the button marked ‘Push’ and amazingly someone answered! After much chat and more unsuccessful putting in of ticket the barrier went up – presumably the man in the machine has a golden ticket? I wonder where he is? I don’t recall seeing a mission control anywhere so perhaps he is up at Head Office? Or maybe the whole thing is now outsourced and he’s sitting at home reading the paper! Thinking about it though, he could actually be in the machine if he’s under about 4 foot tall (I don’t do decimal) so maybe next time I’ll give the machine a whack and see if there’s a yelp from inside! Or, more simply, I’ll just push the button and ask him where he is. Before I go I must tell you about another great item on my bill this week – ‘Swede Loose’. Lock up your daughters!

Items bought 33
Cost £51.76
Cost per item £1.56
Checkout number 15
Nectar Points balance Still not known (see above)