MONDAY 12 MARCH 2007 - IS CLAIR VOYANCE MY NEW NAME?

Oh my word. Readers will recall that I decided to buy some shares in my Sainsbury's (not yet but a little bit soon will be!) and the price jumped by 13% in one day and I gave Bernard Matthews a bit of a hard time and this was shortly followed by bird flu in his factory in Norfolk. Well now it's happened again. A few weeks ago I did a bit of research into supermarket trolleys and found a company called Clares that more than likely made the trolley that I dutifully push round the store each week. I say 'made' because, wait for it, they've gone bust! How creepy is that? Is it possible that a mere mention in my diary means that something significant (good or bad) will happen to the mentionees (those who are mentioned)? Well, think it's time to run a test. In due course I will report on a company that I come across as I trundle around the store and then see what happens. And if something good or bad does indeed happen to that company then I see a new career beckoning! Anyway, on to this week's shop which is on a Monday, I think the first time I've been in on a Monday but the day of the week is irrelevant once you're inside the hallowed portals. This week I noticed the 'Top 10 Offers' board tucked away by the fish counter. A very dull list it has to be said - 2 for 1 on this and money off that, you know the sort of thing. And, of course, it is pretty much pointless because if you do a) find it and b) read the list and c) decide to buy some of the stuff on offer the chances of actually finding it in the store are virtually nil. Of course what Sainsbury's should do is to have a big board near the entrance and then signpost (dreadful word) customers to the offers, something like 'Basics prawns 5 for 1 aisle 7'. Maybe some 'new entries' and 'fastest mover' tags like the pop charts have (are they still called this?) would be good too! Anyway, into the toilets. I got caught short today (must be the cold snap) and visited the gents. Not the best toilet in the world it has to be said (tired, I would call it) but perfectly serviceable nonetheless. But I saw something in there I've never seen before. Now that's caught your attention! Next to the urinal was a vertical handle for holding on to. I presume this is for people who have difficulty standing but, I don't know about you, but I need both hands for 'doing my business' (am I unusual?) so I don't have a spare hand for holding onto anything else, be it a handle or ...?! Anyway, being up for anything (not sure this is an appropriate phrase under the circumstances) I did try to use it but was in danger of having to emerge with two tone trousers so I had to bring my experiment to a premature close. Whatever, suitably refreshed, I continued my shopping and noticed that the plates and bowls in the Night In promotion are still there and as there is still a huge pile of them presumably most customers are having nights out! This is another good example of a half-hearted promotion. To get a plate or bowl you have to buy 5 items with the Night In stickers on them. But the plates and bowls are tucked out of the way and, believe me, if you can find 5 items with Night In stickers you really do deserve a prize! Why not advertise the promotion near the entrance together with the (lovely) bowls and plates and with some signposting (that word again) to the eligible items? Moving on, as you know I've been having a beef (almost literally!) about non-British ingredients in Sainsbury's ready meals and I have vowed not to buy their chicken korma again. But, this week, I needed a ready meal so diligently went through them all until ... success! I found one made from British beef - the Beef & Ale Pie. Hurrah! Finally, on to the check out and, yes, another one gone through (Number 7) so only 2 to go now, 6 and 24. As these are the first and last of the real checkouts the chances of these being open are slim, maybe I'll get lucky at Easter time when the store will be full and all the checkouts are open to cope with the rush? Fingers crossed! Finally finally, in my trolley this week was someone else's shopping list. What an interesting find! How about 'tin tounge', 'water crest' and '1 carrott'? I must look out for these next time, I fancy a bit of tounge for my tea ...

Items bought 31
Cost £40.06
Average cost per item £1.58
Checkout number 7
Nectar points 752