FRIDAY 26 JANUARY 2007 – “NEIGHBOURS, EVERYBODY NEEDS GOOD NEIGHBOURS … “

I've been very neighbourly this week. One of my neighbours is very unwell so I called to see if I could do any shopping. Answer yes, but I needed a lesson in ricotta (what it is, where it would be etc) as I have to admit it is not something I have bought before. And then, coincidences of coincidences, whilst I was at the ham and cheese counter (buying a piece of pork & cutting pie, hurrah!) I hear the two ladies behind the counter talking about a senior citizen who gets a taxi to and from Sainsbury’s and who walks with a stick following a knee operation and lives in my road etc etc. Another of my neighbours! So when I got back I gave her a call and what had happened was that she had put an egg on to boil and then … went to Sainsbury’s! When she got back it was cooked (it exploded actually) but no damage was done other than bits of egg and shell all over the kitchen. Reminds me of the time when my parents came to stay, put the pressure cooker to boil and … went out for the day. Luckily I can vouch for the fact that the little valve type thing in the lid does actually work! But the cooker was ruined and had to be despatched to the great kitchen in the sky (Heaven’s Kitchen, as opposed to Hell’s Kitchen which is where that swearing cook comes from). Anyway, on to this week’s shop. First, the wooden boxes. They’ve been moved! Obviously this has been done in an attempt to garner some interest but the pile looks just as big as it did last week. And, yes, you guessed it, I counted them! There are 41. I’ll keep an eye on these in the coming weeks and let you know how the sales are going. Just in passing I noted that the mince puffs (remember them from just after Christmas?) don’t seem to be selling too well (not surprising really with a name like that) and putting them next to Love Cakes can’t be helping … Now, on to the checkout. The lady in front of me in the queue got a The Big Five Drive game card and, of course, I was willing her to lose, as, if as the cashier said last week 1 in 2 people win then if she loses … the chances are that I should win. And, yes, she lost, so, with trembling hands and a beating heart (must have been the Muscadet last night) I tear open the card to find I have … not won. I ask the cashier if anybody ever wins, “Oh yes” she says “lots do”. Hmmm. I saw Mr King (note the new respect after the shameful getting his name wrong episode from a few weeks back) on television last night. He was not explaining away why the Sainsbury’s pension fund had a £250 million black hole in it and what he was doing about it and why a Sainsbury’ cashier on £12,000 a year would retire with a pension of only £1,500 a year. Of course, now I have resolved to become a Sainsbury’s shareholder this kind of financial stuff is of interest to me – knowing my luck as soon as I invest Mr King will pledge to fill the pension fund hole in full the very next day, wiping billions off the value of the company (and my modest investment with it). He seems a nice enough guy, though, (very young looking, like policemen) and they said he visits one store a week. Come on down Mr King, I’ll take you round and introduce you to my old friends Lorraine Quiche and Warburton Crusty following which we can take a light lunch (men in his elevated position would ‘take’ lunch, don’t you think?) of pork & egg cutting pie. I’ll get some in. Finally, you will be pleased to hear that I am the (temporary) proud owner of £20 of Sainsbury’s gift vouchers! What a dull and unimaginative present you will be thinking but actually they were sent to me (my wife actually) as compensation for poor service! It’s a long story involving daughter at university and wife organising Sainsbury’s Online to deliver a birthday treat of sprouts, low fat muesli, organic orange juice … No, just kidding, it was wine, instant Indian meals, the usual student fare but, whatever, after first arriving early (a problem, as daughter, being in a secure hall, had to be there to greet it and obviously wasn’t) and then it never arriving at the re-arranged time and then it never arriving at all. A complete cock up. So, in went a complaint letter and back came lots of excuses, resolutions to do things better, thanks for highlighting areas of weakness in the system etc etc all the usual stuff and £20 of gift vouchers! So these will get sent off to daughter and happiness will be restored. There is a God!

Items bought 29

Cost £32.63

Cost per item £1.12

Check out number 13 (no wonder I didn't win!)
Nectar Points balance 1152