MONDAY 21 MAY 2007 - PROMOTION COMMOTION!

OK, I know it's been 2 weeks or so since my last diary entry but I took the chance to go to France to 'visiter ma femme'. So, 2 weeks away from the orangery and has absence made my heart grow fonder? In a word, no! So, it is with a somewhat heavy unfondered heart that I make my first task trip to Sainsbury's after returning. Actually, it turned out to be a really exciting visit but more of that later. First, I have noticed that the car park in which I park has won a ParkMark award. Whatever is this? Well, some research (internet) revealed that ParkMark awards are awarded (surprise, surprise) by the British Parking Association, an august body with a seemingly huge number of members. To join you have to have a proper car park (so my off-road parking space isn't quite enough it seems) or be a parking professional (basically anyone with an interest in car parking such as planners, consultants etc). If you are any of these you then pay £50 and you're in! You then get a specially trained Police Officer called an Accredited Assessor who comes along to your car park (does he or she park for free I wonder?) and assesses your car park against the 'Safer Parking Scheme Criteria'. Quite what these are is not disclosed but, anyway, if it's up to the mark you get a ParkMark award. What's in it for us users I hear you ask! Well the BPA website says that 'Park Mark awarded parking areas are run by responsible operators who are concerned with your safety and the safety of your vehicle, and who have done the best they can to reduce crime and the fear of crime on their site'. Well, frankly, I don't see it in 'my' car park. Although I will now specifically check I cannot see anything that makes it any different from any other multi-storey car park and if the operators are so concerned about safety how come the ramps going in and out continue to deteriorate at an alarming rate? I feel an e-mail coming on! Talking of e-mails I had a reply from Sainsbury's about the 'recycleable' clear bags used for vegetables and so on. It was clearly a cut & paste reply though as the font of 'Dear Otto' was completely different to the body of the reply, which was disappointing, and it was, inevitably, full of the usual worthy statements but, to give S credit, it did answer my question! And the answer is that there are recycling points their stores for plastic bags. Needless to say I looked for one today and there is indeed a big orange (as opposed to Big Apple) plastic letter box type thing near the doors oozing bags from every orifice. I have to say I look at the doors a lot as I inch through the checkouts and I don't remember seeing this contraption before so maybe, after my e-mail, Sainsbury's had a big push to get them into all their stores? And of course there should be a big sign in the store telling us all what to do and how it all works - make it easy for us customers please! Now, on to the exciting bit! As I was buying my pork pie I noticed a small sign saying that if I was to buy 5 products with 'Enjoy Summer' stickers on I get a free cool bag or picnic rug! Needless to say I was really up for this and busily started to look for products with the sticker on. After a bit I realised that I must only buy things I would ordinarily buy otherwise I am, in effect, buying a cool bag or rug that I would never buy in a month of Sundays but in the end I managed it by buying 2 pasties, some (healthy) pate, a quiche and 2 scotch eggs. Not very good on the Wheel of Health I admit but a rug is a rug! Anyway armed with this lot I get to the checkout leaving the 5 qualifying products till last and as the cashier finishes swiping, lasering, barcoding or whatever it's called I proudly ask how I get my rug. She looks at me as though I'm insane and I have to explain how it all works and show her my Famous Five and she looks at her screen and in the end calls over a supervisor who says I should have picked up a rug or cool bag from the piles in the store and then I have to wait while she goes and fetches one and I apologise to the tutting queue behind me and finally she comes back and the cashier books it through the till but then it won't automatically credit the £4.99 the rug costs so she has to do it manually and eventually it all works and I have my free rug! And very smart it looks too. Whilst all this was going on I noticed that the Active Kids promotion runs out in a couple of weeks time and no-one has yet e-mailed me for my vouchers! I feel a trip to the local school coming on ... Finally, I decided to start a savings card this week and I excitedly put my £1 coin in the machine and get out ... my £1 coin! So, I ask another supervisor what the problem is and she telephones the cash office who tell her that it has run out of stamps and the next delivery isn't until the afternoon. Apparently they are delivered by Securicor! Anyway I leave the supervisor apologising profusely and leave the store to ... spend my £1!

Items bought 26
Cost £33.91
Average cost per item £1.30
Checkout no 14
Nectar points 1645
Active Kids vouchers 64

TUESDAY 8 MAY 2007 - SAINSBURY'S HAS SOME FANS!

Some news first of all. I've decided to eat my freezers! No, this is not some kind of impressive party trick but I am fed up (not strictly true as I am shopping before lunch, but you know what I mean) with the scrunching as I vainly attempt to close the drawers which are overful with bags, the contents of which are so coated in frost and ice that they are now unidentifiable. So, I am going to eat my way through the lot over the next few weeks so when she that is away returns we can start afresh. It will also mean I can defrost them (we have two, why I don't know it just means that there is twice as much space to fill with stuff we don't eat) without having to wrap everything in newspaper and put it into cool boxes and so on. What this means is that my weekly shopping bill at Sainsbury's is going to take a bit of a dive, so sorry about that Mr King! Anyway, on to this week's experience. What first? The Top Ten Offers. I took a look at the board and noticed that Australian Cabinet Sauvignon is half price this week, reduced from £7.99 to £3.99. Now that's what I call an offer! Now, I'm never sure whether cabernet sauvignon is red or white. Between you and me I can't drink red wine as it affects my ears - after 3 bottles I can't hear! No, seriously, I used to suffer from tinnitis (ringing in the ears and red wine, gin, beer and so on made it worse) but, amazingly, I managed to rid myself of it (this is supposed to be impossible but I managed it) but I still steer clear of red wine, gin, beer etc. Is life worth living I hear you ask! Well, I'm still allowed white wine and lager so these I take in moderation. Anyway, I headed for the winery to look for a bottle but passing the fridge I spotted a white wine at half price so bought that instead. Summer has come to Sainsbury's! The store is littered with barbecue charcoal and, believe it or not, electric fans. These are all piled up in a corner waiting for nobody to buy them. I find it surprising that somebody, somewhere within Sainsbury's is charged with taking a punt on this kind of stuff on the off chance that it might sell. Personally, I can't see why Sainsbury's would want to take the risk - the chances are that most will remain unsold so why bother? Now the big question is - why won't they sell? People come to this particular store to buy groceries and to my mind an electric fan is not the kind of thing you buy on impulse when your mind is set on broccoli, Special K, pork & egg cutting pie and so on. Also, I think there is a whole thing about being able to easily carry what you have bought to your car, on the bus etc and a fan in a big bulky box just doesn't pass this portability test. So, 2 reasons why I can't see the fans selling. We will see! Moving on to ... the savings card scheme. On the way out there is a machine with a notice on it encouraging customers to start saving today, on top of which are a pile of savings cards. Needless to say I picked one up. How it works is you stick a £1 into the machine and you get a stamp which you stick on your card. How exciting is that! The card takes up to 25 stamps and you can redeem your card either wholly or partly completed at any store. It sounds like a complete waste of time, but I'm going to give it a go! I'll save up £1 for 5 weeks and then have a ceremonious cashing in - I'll let you know how it goes. On the way into the car park (jumping about a bit this week, sorry about that) I noticed that it said that the car park has 300 places. Now, I remember a few months back I parked right up the top in the last space just before you go into orbit and I have a feeling that the space was numbered although I don't think I noted the number in my diary (unusual, as this is the kind of banal fact that is meat & drink to me). When I go in next I'll don my space suit and go up there again to find out whether the car park does indeed have 300 spaces. I'll let you know! Anyway, that's about it for this week, but there's just time to tell you about the Half Price Deals leaflet. This is a glossy folded A3 sheet of paper in full colour showing all the ... half price deals. The place for these is, of course, as you come in but where did I find it? At the checkout! The local manager has this all wrong. What is the point of the Top Ten Offers board being half way round the store (next to the fish counter to be precise) and the Half Price Deals leaflet being at the checkout? These should be on prominent display near each of the doors as you come in - half way round and at the checkout is just too late as by then the average shopper has lost the will to live. This is always assuming that Sainsbury's want to sell their half price and Top Ten offers but, then again, maybe they don't ... That's it then for this week, until next time!

Items bought 18

Cost £26.37

Average cost per item £1.47

Checkout number 12

Nectar points 1579

Active Kids vouchers 61 (I can now afford to buy a pair of Stampabouts, yippee!)

TUESDAY 1 MAY 2007 - COME ON TIM!

Well, for the first time in ages the car park barriers weren't working. The entry barrier was up but so used are we all to the last few months of uninterrupted foreplay (pushing the button, waiting for a ticket etc) that, like fools, we all stopped at where the barrier ought to have been and pushed the button, waited for a ticket etc etc. I normally tend to drive in on autopilot, savouring the experience to come, but this broken routine woke me up and I noticed that the surface of the car park ramp continues to deteriorate. It is now quite bad although with the dry weather it's not a problem but when the rains come (in July, probably) the slipping and sliding will start all over again! Anyway, into the store. We get a good class of customer in 'our Sainsbury's' and a man asked at the cheese & ham counter where he could find water chestnuts. Good question! The ladies behind the counter (Carol & Marilyn) had obviously called for help from higher up the organisation because as I drew up with my trolley one of them said "This man needs help finding water chestnuts". Now, you will recall that I was called 'sir' a couple of weeks ago and a young lady was called 'love' so C & M were about evens on the politeness stakes. Well this has marked them down quite heavily I'm afraid as they should have referred to him as a 'gentleman', I believe, to be technically correct. Doesn't politeness come before godliness? And whatever is a water chestnut anyway?! Moving on. There was a suspicious looking man (certainly not a gentleman!) hovering near the bakery plinths (note I am now using the right word following the 'leaked' e-mail last week). And closer inspection of his name badge revealed ... the dreaded TalkTalk! My goodness just when I thought we were rid of the scourge for ever back they come. Anyway, unfortunately for him and fortunately for us he was not so much TalkTalk but SilenceSilence! I hung around looking at the rolls, cakes, doughnuts etc hoping he would approach me as I was interested in his opening line, but it was not to be. After a while people started to eye me suspiciously so it was time to move on. I looked back a couple of times but he was doing very little TalkTalking - no bonus for him this week! Not much else really happened this week - the 4 animal hoovers are still there waiting for a home - so it was all a bit dull but the checkout experience made up for it! I had the slightly unhinged cashier again this week (the one who, a few weeks ago, rather than turning on the moving belt with all the groceries on kept leaping out his chair and reaching round the corner to capture the next piece of grocery). His name is Tim! This week he was as animated as ever but much less physical as someone has told him about turning on the moving belt! He gave me a real scare though - as he scanned my wine he leant right across his till and looked me up and down and said "Are you 18?". "I was when I last looked" I said. Not a flicker, not a hint of a smile from Tim although the student in the queue behind me smirked. Now I was dreading the Active Kids voucher bit of the experience but he handled it really well - "Just over £40 so that's 4 vouchers plus 1 from the last customer" he said and gave me 5 (vouchers). He then wished me a happy first day of the month and I was on my way. Now before I close, those of you who are not mathematically challenged will have noticed that my Nectar points sums & calculations sometimes don't work. I think the reason for this is that some garages give Nectar points and if I'm asked if I collect them out comes my card as quick as a flash! That's the theory anyway but yesterday I 'earned' some points in a garage and my card was swiped but my opening balance on my Sainsbury's bill today was exactly the same as my closing balance last week, when it should have been higher by the garage points earned. Hmmmmm. I need to check this out! I thought I'd done with Nectar points a few months ago but obviously not ...

Items bought 31
Cost £41.34
Average cost per item £1.33

Checkout number 14
Nectar points 1486
Active Kids vouchers 59 (somehow I've got 7 more than I thought I had - even I can't count)

WEDNESDAY 25 APRIL 2007 - THE WHEEL OF DEATH

Peace at last! The Godwin brood have all returned whence they came so I can get back to what I do best - shopping for one! Quite a bit to talk about this week so here goes ... First, I committed the cardinalest sin (not sure cardinalest is a word, but you know what I mean) - I bought a takeaway sandwich! Normally I don't buy these as I think they are ridiculously expensive for what they are but I spotted a cheese and onion sandwich and just had to have it (for my lunch). And very nice it was too! Next, I took a closer look at the ready meal the tray for which is supposed to bio-degrade at the same speed as a banana. On the packaging there was a green triangle with a line through it and '7 Other' beneath it. Whatever does that mean? Luckily the stocker upper was in the vicinity so I asked him what it was all about. He was very polite and chatty but didn't have a clue either. He looked for the notice that I saw last week (he put it up!) but it was nowhere to be found. So, I did a bit more research (internet) and I have found out that there are 7 green triangles (you guessed it, each on has a different number from 1 to 7 in the middle) with initials beneath them. They are all for different types of plastic - for example, 1 is polyethylene terephthalate (fizzy drinks bottles to you and me), 5 is polypropylene (margarine tubs) and 7 is ... other! 'Other' is defined as 'Any other plastics that do not fall into any of the above categories. - An example is melamine, which is often used in plastic plates and cups'. It goes on to say that 'although presence of the symbol implies that the plastic item is recyclable, the symbol is actually only intended to identify the plastic resin from which the item was made'. So that's alright then? Well, no, actually because I am none the wiser about what I am supposed to do with this banana like tray in order to recycle it responsibly. I guess it would go in the general dustbin (which I think goes to landfill) which doesn't sound particularly responsible but as it supposedly has the biodegradeability (how about that for a word) of a banana presumably in a few months there will be nothing left of it. Why is all this so bloody complicated? Surely there must be a more simple way of telling people what to do in an easy to understand way? Finally on the subject of recycling for this week, I did e-mail Sainsbury's about their recycleable small plastic bags and I am now waiting for a reply. Next, the Wheel of Health. You will recall that I was told off by my daughter for buying a quiche with 4 reds and 1 orange in the Wheel of Health (or Wheel of Death in this case). So, mindful of her advice, this week I sought out a healthier quiche. Bit of an oxymoron I know but, believe it or not, I found one! It was a Mediterranean Style Vegetable Quiche (not sure what Mediterranean Style means - full of water perhaps?) and it had 4 oranges and (yippee) 1 green. In the basket it went and whilst it was more healthy (or less unhealthy) than my usual quiche I have to say it was pretty grim. Clearly health comes at a cost in taste! Anyway, having saved some reds on my quiche I then bought a coffee cake which had 4 reds and 1 orange. My goodness, this must be the worst thing ever - I wonder if it is possible to buy anything with 5 reds??? But it was great! A child in a trolley said hello to me today. I think I should point out that Sainsbury's are not selling children (Active Kids vouchers take on a new sinister meaning?) but he (or she) was in that seat type thing in his (or her) mum's trolley. Ever polite I replied 'Hello' in a Mr Bean type voice, much to the child's amazement. Excitedly, he (or she) then proceeded to tell his (or her) mum that 'that man said hello to me'. Needless to say I quickly looked away and moved on - one can be arrested for that kind of thing these days. Next, cheese. The cheese and ham counter sells loose cheese (what a surprise!) and I took a note of the price of Cathedral City (£7.45 per kilogram) with a view to checking it with the packed price later on in the orangery. This I duly did - the packed price is £7.65 per kilogram. As I buy about 1/2 a kilogram at a time buying it packed is costing me an extra 10p. Well, even though 10p is 10p, as there is usually a queue for the cheese and ham counter I don't think that 10p is too bad an extra price to pay for not having to queue. Not sure of the equivalent hourly rate but still worth it I think. Well, that's about it for this week other than to tell you that I spent £35 today and was therefore entitled to 3 Active Kids vouchers but was given ... 18! So, I've now got 47 and if I was a school I could exchange these for ... nothing! I had a quick look at the catalogue and and I can nearly afford a pair of Stampabouts (56 vouchers). These are upside down flowerpot type things with rope on that kids stand on and then walk with pulling the rope upwards as they go. So, in a couple of weeks time the first school to e-mail me asking for my vouchers could be the proud owner of a pair of Stampabouts! Wot, no e-mails yet?

Items bought 23
Cost £35.28
Average cost per item £1.53

Checkout number 11
Nectar points 1404
Acitve Kids vouchers 47