A Year at Sainsbury's

My diary of weekly trips to Sainsbury's to do my shopping whilst my wife is abroad for a year!

FRIDAY 26 JANUARY 2007 – “NEIGHBOURS, EVERYBODY NEEDS GOOD NEIGHBOURS … “

I've been very neighbourly this week. One of my neighbours is very unwell so I called to see if I could do any shopping. Answer yes, but I needed a lesson in ricotta (what it is, where it would be etc) as I have to admit it is not something I have bought before. And then, coincidences of coincidences, whilst I was at the ham and cheese counter (buying a piece of pork & cutting pie, hurrah!) I hear the two ladies behind the counter talking about a senior citizen who gets a taxi to and from Sainsbury’s and who walks with a stick following a knee operation and lives in my road etc etc. Another of my neighbours! So when I got back I gave her a call and what had happened was that she had put an egg on to boil and then … went to Sainsbury’s! When she got back it was cooked (it exploded actually) but no damage was done other than bits of egg and shell all over the kitchen. Reminds me of the time when my parents came to stay, put the pressure cooker to boil and … went out for the day. Luckily I can vouch for the fact that the little valve type thing in the lid does actually work! But the cooker was ruined and had to be despatched to the great kitchen in the sky (Heaven’s Kitchen, as opposed to Hell’s Kitchen which is where that swearing cook comes from). Anyway, on to this week’s shop. First, the wooden boxes. They’ve been moved! Obviously this has been done in an attempt to garner some interest but the pile looks just as big as it did last week. And, yes, you guessed it, I counted them! There are 41. I’ll keep an eye on these in the coming weeks and let you know how the sales are going. Just in passing I noted that the mince puffs (remember them from just after Christmas?) don’t seem to be selling too well (not surprising really with a name like that) and putting them next to Love Cakes can’t be helping … Now, on to the checkout. The lady in front of me in the queue got a The Big Five Drive game card and, of course, I was willing her to lose, as, if as the cashier said last week 1 in 2 people win then if she loses … the chances are that I should win. And, yes, she lost, so, with trembling hands and a beating heart (must have been the Muscadet last night) I tear open the card to find I have … not won. I ask the cashier if anybody ever wins, “Oh yes” she says “lots do”. Hmmm. I saw Mr King (note the new respect after the shameful getting his name wrong episode from a few weeks back) on television last night. He was not explaining away why the Sainsbury’s pension fund had a £250 million black hole in it and what he was doing about it and why a Sainsbury’ cashier on £12,000 a year would retire with a pension of only £1,500 a year. Of course, now I have resolved to become a Sainsbury’s shareholder this kind of financial stuff is of interest to me – knowing my luck as soon as I invest Mr King will pledge to fill the pension fund hole in full the very next day, wiping billions off the value of the company (and my modest investment with it). He seems a nice enough guy, though, (very young looking, like policemen) and they said he visits one store a week. Come on down Mr King, I’ll take you round and introduce you to my old friends Lorraine Quiche and Warburton Crusty following which we can take a light lunch (men in his elevated position would ‘take’ lunch, don’t you think?) of pork & egg cutting pie. I’ll get some in. Finally, you will be pleased to hear that I am the (temporary) proud owner of £20 of Sainsbury’s gift vouchers! What a dull and unimaginative present you will be thinking but actually they were sent to me (my wife actually) as compensation for poor service! It’s a long story involving daughter at university and wife organising Sainsbury’s Online to deliver a birthday treat of sprouts, low fat muesli, organic orange juice … No, just kidding, it was wine, instant Indian meals, the usual student fare but, whatever, after first arriving early (a problem, as daughter, being in a secure hall, had to be there to greet it and obviously wasn’t) and then it never arriving at the re-arranged time and then it never arriving at all. A complete cock up. So, in went a complaint letter and back came lots of excuses, resolutions to do things better, thanks for highlighting areas of weakness in the system etc etc all the usual stuff and £20 of gift vouchers! So these will get sent off to daughter and happiness will be restored. There is a God!
Items bought 29
Cost £32.63
Cost per item £1.12
Check out number 13 (no wonder I didn't win!)
Nectar Points balance 1152

FRIDAY 19 JANUARY 2007 - NO CLAIM GAME - SHAME!

Well, uncontrollable excitement today as I will spend over £10 and hence will get my first game card in The Big Five Drive vegetable/fruit etc promotion. More of this later! What first? Ah yes, potatoes. Now, as I said I would last week, this week I did some potato price comparisons with some startling results! I always thought that the loose baking potatoes (bakers) were expensive and, my goodness me, they are. Bakers come in at £1.19 per kilogram as compared to King Edwards (perhaps technically there should be an apostrophe between the 'd' and the 's'? One for Lynne Truss to answer!) at 63.6p per kilogram and Sainsbury’s multi-purpose (the mind boggles) potatoes at 47.6p per kilogram. So, over twice as much for the pleasure of having slightly bigger potatoes. And looking at the potatoes in the Sainsbury’s multi-purpose bags they, like the bakers, have been washed and there are a few that aren’t that much smaller than the bakers. As the saying goes size isn’t everything (I should know) so it’s the multi-purpose ones for me in future! Anyway on to the hinged pine boxes. “What?”, I hear you ask. Yes, the hinged pine boxes stacked up by the Indian ready meals. Goodness only knows where these have come from but there is a huge stack of them and at 25% off they are hard to resist! I’ve never seen these before so I can only assume that they have been imported from a larger store in the hope that they will sell. Well, nice as they are, I just don’t see too many of them shifting even though they are well made (I checked) and have that nice woody smell when you open them. They remind me of the exhibit at the Tate Modern some time ago which was just stacks of white boxes so rather than trying to sell them at 25% off perhaps Sainsbury’s would do better by entering them for the Turner Prize. It seems that anything that isn’t art qualifies so they would be in with a shout of winning it I’m sure and then, when they have won it, they can sell them to Charles (or is it Maurice) Saatchi or some other philanth, phillann, rich bugger for a huge sum. OK, you’ve waited long enough, it’s time to reveal that I did indeed get a game card and … didn’t win. How disappointing was that? I asked the cashier if anybody ever won and he said that that 1 in 2 people win! So, by the law of averages, next week I will win. I asked him what happens when you do win and he said that you have to take your card over to the enquiry desk for validation and then you come back to the checkout and then … by this time I was losing the will to live. I have to say I’m having mixed feelings about winning now. Whilst it would be nice to get some free sprouts it sounds like it is a real mission to go through the claiming process. Anyway, as I’m bound to win soon I will find out! Now, here’s an interesting one. On the way in to the car park there is a sign that reads ‘Welcome to your Sainsbury’s’. Interesting, but technically incorrect. Sainsbury’s is actually owned by its shareholders so really the sign is only true if you are a shareholder. So, not wishing to be left out I have decided to buy some Sainsbury’s shares! I’ll get on to my stockbroker next week. Sorry, typing error. I’ll get on to a stockbroker next week and buy a few. Not too many as I’m sure as soon as I buy some the price will plummet! I’ll keep you posted. Finally I noticed that the Life Insurance leaflet has been reprinted with ‘Sale 5% Online Discount’ on the front so presumably it’s not a big seller (I hope I’m not to blame). I picked one up out of idle curiosity and noticed that the ’34 year old non smoking woman’ in the previous leaflet has turned into a ’34 year old non smoking man’ in this leaflet! The figures are the same as before though (£5 per month for £50,000 of level term cover for a 15 year term). I wonder if they are still wrong? Not my problem, see you next week!

Items bought 25
Cost £38.57
Cost per item £1.54
Check out number 16
Nectar Points balance 1082 (I feel an encashment coming on)

FRIDAY 12 JANUARY 2007 – OFF MY TROLLEY?

At last! Back to my old routine of a Friday shop. It’s been a while since I’ve been in on a Friday and I’d forgotten how busy it is at lunchtime. Actually the aisles were OK, but the checkouts were … well, more of them later. And, before you ask, my pants are in good order this week so last week’s ‘shop till they drop’ problems have not recurred. But, notwithstanding (how about that for a word!) this I had a bit of a panic attack on the way in – no money and so no way of releasing a trolley from its mates! And, whilst carrying a basket has the attraction of being able to go through a check out I’ve not been through before the prospect of lugging a heavier and heavier basket round Sainsbury’s is not good news. So, I have to go on safari to find a trolley that has been sent to Coventry (or wherever trolleys get sent) by its chums and, amazingly, I find one. Not lurking in a dark corner, no, at the top of the escalator where I literally walk straight into it! How lucky was that! So, suitably armed I start to shop and almost immediately run into my first beef of the year - potatoes. Hithertofore (another cracker) I’ve bought Sainbsury’s loose baking potatoes (the big buggers near the floor). But as I have an awful sneaking feeling that they are really expensive (I’ll run some checks next time to prove this) I tried to buy some normal loose potatoes. But, guess what! They don’t sell any. So, I had to buy a made up bag which I don’t like doing because as sure as eggs is eggs (or perhaps spuds is spuds) you pay more for the cost of cleaning them and bagging them up. I know loose potatoes are muddy, mucky things but come on Sainsbury’s get some in – we can take it! Next, mince pies. My bluff has been called – whatever stocks there were have been removed. Damn! Mind you, they did have some ‘Mince Puffs’ in Christmassy boxes but, frankly, I didn’t like the sound of them … Neither did anybody else it seems as the stack was beautifully symmetrical and clearly untouched. What strikes me as odd, however, is I don’t recall seeing these before Christmas (they would have surely caught my eye with a name like that) so how come they are on sale now? Maybe Sainsbury’s are stocking up for next Christmas already! I’ll keep an eye on them in the coming weeks – my guess is that the whole lot will suddenly disappear. Now, here’s something really interesting. What I thought was my plain ordinary trolley is in fact a ‘MK1 70 LTR Daily Shopper’! Over Christmas, sad person that I am, I did a bit of roaming around on the internet and found a company called Clares that makes supermarket trolleys (someone has to). And looking through their product range (I thought I might buy one at the end of my year as a souvenir) I came across the MK1 70 etc which looked remarkably like my friends at Sainsbury’s. And Clares count Sainsbury’s amongst their customers! So, today I compared my trolley with a picture of a MK1 70 etc (other customers eyed me with suspicion) and it’s exactly the same apart from a sticky up raised bit at the top of the flap that goes up when they mate (I presume there is a technical term for this – answers on a postcard please). And it’s an impressive bit of kit with a ‘round nose’ ‘travelator castors’ and ‘electroplated zinc with clear passivation & lacquer coated finish’. Wow. I will treat my trolleys (sorry MK1 70 etcs) with much more respect in future … Right, on to the check outs. Today the checker outer was called Putin or something like that (pollonium anyone?) and he had real trouble with his equipment (scales, moving belt etc) and then he ran out of £1 coins so the upshot was I had my longest ever check out experience. Bring back the pre-Christmas girl with the lectern I say! Whilst waiting I had another look at the Sainsbury’s amazing offers leaflets (not) and I noted that there are 2 left for me to have a go at, sorry, critically appraise – credit cards and travel insurance. Well, I don’t do credit cards really (lucky me) so I’ll pass on that one and as I’m not planning to go anywhere exciting just yet (unless Swindon counts?) I don’t need to check out the travel insurance offer. Something to look forward to later in the year perhaps! Finally, I noticed some big banners announcing ‘The Big Five Drive’ which is something to do with the 5 vegetables a day that we are all supposed to eat (baked beans don’t count – they’re pulses). Unfortunately I saw this too late to be able to do any investigating but, as luck would have it, as I returned to my car I saw a discarded scratch card type thing on the floor in the Big 5 green (naturally) livery so I picked it up. The (very) small print on the back says that every customer who spends more than £10 should be given one gamecard when they check out. You then tear it open in a frenzy of excitement to be told either, like this one, ‘Sorry you haven’t won this time’ or, presumably, something like ‘Congratulations you have won this time’, in which it case it seems you hand the winning card to the cashier and then you get one of your vegetable purchases free! It was disappointing that Putin didn’t give me a card (his mind was elsewhere understandably) but I’m looking forward to getting one of these every week. What isn’t clear is how it all works, because presumably you have to go through the checkout to confirm you have spent over £10 and then, if you’ve won, presumably you have to rummage amongst your packed up shopping and compare it with the till roll so as to be able to locate the most expensive vegetable bought and presumably then the cashier has to do some kind of refund transaction which presumably means a manager authorisation and then presumably you are handed the princely sum of 47p! I predict a riot … And, much more interesting, how is this all dealt with in the Nectar points statement? Don’t go there … Wish me luck!

Items bought 27
Cost £46.74
Cost per item £1.73
Checkout number 11
Nectar Points balance 1006 (back in business again!)

WEDNESDAY 3 JANUARY 2007 – UNDERWEAR NIGHTMARE

A very embarrassing shopping trip today. Many, many years ago I bought some underpants in a Malaysian street market for the princely sum of the ringgitt (Malaysian currency) equivalent of 80p for 3 pairs (I remember haggling him down from £1.20, how cool is that). Anyway, I’ve worn these things day in day out but, sadly, after all these years they are, in a word, knackered. I do have other pairs to wear though! I’m a bit behind with the washing what with Xmas, hungry hoards, parties etc etc so I had to don a pair of the Malaysians today. And, very embarrassingly, the elastic waste band gave up the ghost whilst I was in Sainsbury’s so I had this bulge around my nether regions that looked as though I had just passed one of Bernard Matthews’ turkeys! Anyway, I had to abandon my shopping trip half way round and repair to the gents to remove the offending article meaning that for the rest of the trip I went commanche style (I think that’s what it’s called). How very daring! My Malaysians have obviously come to the end of their useful life so sadly they will need to go but how on earth do I dispose of them in an environmentally friendly way? Is there a bin for this kind of thing at the local recycling centre (formerly known as the tip) and, if there is, what colour do you think it will be? Don't answer ... Anyway, coping with all this drama meant that my usual observations are thin on the ground this week (like my Malaysian pants after I had de-donned them). I did notice, however, that the mince pies are still going strong at 50% off. I’ll give them another week before I leap in and grab a bargain! On the way out the lady in front of me at the car park barrier couldn’t get her ticket to work and so she pushed the button marked ‘Push’ and amazingly someone answered! After much chat and more unsuccessful putting in of ticket the barrier went up – presumably the man in the machine has a golden ticket? I wonder where he is? I don’t recall seeing a mission control anywhere so perhaps he is up at Head Office? Or maybe the whole thing is now outsourced and he’s sitting at home reading the paper! Thinking about it though, he could actually be in the machine if he’s under about 4 foot tall (I don’t do decimal) so maybe next time I’ll give the machine a whack and see if there’s a yelp from inside! Or, more simply, I’ll just push the button and ask him where he is. Before I go I must tell you about another great item on my bill this week – ‘Swede Loose’. Lock up your daughters!

Items bought 33
Cost £51.76
Cost per item £1.56
Checkout number 15
Nectar Points balance Still not known (see above)