FRIDAY 23 FEBRUARY 2007 – TROUBLE WITH MY SCREWING

An interesting week this week. My list has been enhanced by the returned one so I had to find some items that I wouldn’t usually buy which took me to areas where no man had boldly not gone before (Captain’s log …). The first item of difficulty was redcurrant jelly. This required a real hunt – I tramped back and forth (breaking the anti-clockwise trolley code) looking in the obvious places like ‘jams and spreads’ but in the end sought assistance from an orange fleeced shelf stacker upper. ‘Aisle 10’ she said without a moment’s hesitation. Impressed, I returned to Aisle 10 to find … no redcurrant jelly. I find it in the end in Aisle 9 lurking amongst sauces. Oh well, now I know for next time. I also had to buy some dressed crab in its shell, much easier as there they were in the fish counter manned by the Captain Birds Eye lookalike. Whilst he was weighing and packing I made a point of looking at the price ticket which said that the crabs had been caught in the North West Atlantic (or was it the North East? No matter) but when he gave the package it said ‘Dressed Cromer Crab’. Now, as you know, I am somewhat geographically challenged but as far as I recall Cromer is in Norfolk which cannot by any stretch of the imagination be said to be in the North Atlantic (West or otherwise). So is this more misleading food labelling? Talking of misleading food labelling, I took a closer look at the ready-made meals this week after my experience with the Sainsbury’s chicken korma, the chickens for which come from Brazil and/or Thailand. Along the bit where the price tickets go there was a banner saying ‘British … British … British’ in a fetching purple colour (nice and regal). Encouraged, I pick up the ‘Lamb in a Pot’ to find that the lamb is from … New Zealand and the pork (??!!) is British. Undeterred I look at the ‘Shepherd’s Pie’ to find that, yes you guessed it, the lamb is again from New Zealand. Of course each pack had ‘Produced in the UK’ on it which may be 'acceptable' but a banner with ‘British’ all over is just not cricket! Anyway, moving on … the wicker trunks have gone (I assume not sold) and have been replaced by bowls & side plates! These are ‘free’ when you buy 5 items with ‘Enjoy a night in’ stickers on them. This must be a new Sainsbury’s promotion. God knows who thinks all this stuff up – why is it all so complicated? After buying my baked beans (pulses) I had a disaster. My glasses fell to pieces – the little screw thing that keeps one of the lenses in had come unscrewed so I had lens, frames, screw etc all over the place. I collected it all up and being an enterprising sort of fellow I looked for a screwdriver equivalent on the shelves to effect a temporary repair. My first idea was to use a nail file – one of those metal ones with a pointed end - but, of course, these were in acres of packaging and completely inaccessible. In the end I happened upon a potato peeler with a pointed end which did the trick! I caused a bit of a queue in the checkout today. I have a habit (wait for it) of sticking the car park ticket in my mouth when I drive into the car park and leaving it there until I’m in the store so, as you can understand, it gets a bit wet. Anyway, I must have overdone it this week as it wouldn’t go in the little machines Sainsbury’s have to let the ticket know you have spent more than £15 so you can park for free. So there was much squeezing and smoothing and shoving and pushing and in the end in it went, much to the relief of the queue behind me. Luckily the lectern was out again today so no doubt the lady manning (womanning?) it was doing a quick reshuffle of the checker outers to relieve the queue I had caused. Am I bothered? Well, 30p is 30p!

Items bought 40

Cost £57.08

Average cost per item £1.42

Checkout number 12

Nectar points 624 (the maths won’t work as I lost last Sunday’s bill. Sorry)

SUNDAY 18 FEBRUARY 2007 - NO BILL (LITTLE OR OTHERWISE)

Had to have an emergency shop today. Mrs G is back from Germany and after the 'Why is there no food in the house?' and 'Whatever have you been eating while I've been away?' kind of supportive remarks clearly a Sunday morning visit to Sainsbury's was an absolute must. To be honest I was expecting it so took it all in good heart. Actually, Sunday morning is a good time for shopping, very quiet and not at all unpleasant (notice the double negative rather than the positive!). And, whilst we bought some unusual (for me) things it was all rather uneventful so I'm afraid this is going to be a very short entry. And, disappointingly, I have lost the bill so none of the usual mathematical stuff at the end I'm afraid. Oh well, never mind - normal service will be resumed next time!

THURSDAY 15 FEBRUARY 2007 – LABEL FABLE

A bit late writing my diary this (last) week – it’s all been a bit busy as Mrs G returned from Germany last Saturday for a brief visit and I didn’t have much time post-shopping & pre-return to do my stuff. Anyway here it is at last and apologies to all my reader (sic) who have been waiting expectantly. So, what news from the orangery? Well, not much really. The duvets have gone (told you) but have been replaced by … sets of wicker trunks! These are not swimsuits previously owned by a television presenter but are essentially storage boxes. And they come in sets – you open the big one to find 2 smaller ones inside and then you open those … and so on. A bit like those Russian dolls that go on and on and on until you’re left with an atom sized doll and a queue of steadily decreasing sized dolls hundreds of miles long. It does seem as my Sainsbury’s (technically not correct but that’s what the sign says) seems to be becoming a dumping ground for unsaleable goods from other stores – pine boxes, duvets, wicker trunks – whatever next? I have to admit to showing my age today. Whilst buying my pork and egg cutting pie I noticed that the server (he who serves) was looking leeringly over my shoulder. Interested, I turned round and, yes you guessed it, there was a smart young lady walking by wheeling her MK1 70 LTR Daily Shopper (trolley). ‘Not bad’ I said (the girl, not the trolley). He gave me a knowing look (‘I know your type’), smirked and carried on cutting my pie. I must get out more. Anyway, on to the toilet rolls. Had a bit of a running out (of rolls, not a bodily misfunction) so needed to stock up and I bought some toilet rolls which proudly state that they have been recycled. From what? I dread to think. Now, chicken korma. I usually buy a Sainsbury’s chicken korma to have on a Friday night with a tin of lager and, indeed, I did buy one this week. As you know I am a keen label watcher and I always try to buy British food. I have been previously happy with buying Sainsbury’s chicken korma as it says ‘produced in the UK’. But as I was packing it away after I got home I noticed on the side of the packet in small print it said ‘Produced using Thai or Brazilian chickens’. Oh my word! I dread to think what Brazilian and Thai chicken farms are like – they have to be a whole lot worse than Bernard Matthews (and we know what he’s been up to!). Why ever does Sainsbury’s have to use chickens from Brazil and Thailand? What’s wrong with our own chickens, for goodness sake? And maybe the Thai chickens are in fact … not chicken? I think you know I mean. Anyway, that’s the last time I buy Sainsbury’s chicken korma! And, why isn’t the packaging labelled properly? It should say ‘Produced in the UK using Brazilian and Thai chickens’ all in one go and no hiding the chicken source (sauce?) in the small print. To my mind all this recommended daily intake, calories this and vitamin that kind of mumbo jumbo stuff that nobody reads or understands should be dropped in favour of complete, clear and no-nonsense labelling about where the food actually comes from. Allied to this I noticed at the check out that Sainsbury’s are introducing a ‘Wheel of Health’ labelling system. This is a kind of traffic light system whereby the good bits get greens in the wheel, less good (calories) get oranges and bad bits (salt, fat etc) get reds. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction!

Items bought 33

Cost £46.45

Average cost per item £1.40

Checkout number 9

Nectar points 424

FRIDAY 9 JANUARY 2007 - BERNARD MATTHEWS TURKEYS 'THEY'RE FLUTIFUL ...'

Spooky. First I say I'm going to buy some Sainsbury's shares (still not done) and the share price jumps. Then, I give Bernard Matthews a bit of a hard time and ... well you know what's happened. Whatever next? These kind of things come in threes so as sure as eggs is eggs something or someone I mention will have good or bad news within a week or so! Well, what about Bernard Matthews then? The latest news is that he lied about bringing in birds from his 'processing plant' (whatever is that?) in flu ridden Hungary. If that's true (that he lied) then I'm afraid that he deserves whatever dire consequences comes his way as a result. It sounds very much like foot & mouth which as I recall was spread by one trader who trucked infected sheep around the country (is it really necessary to cart animals round the country like this?). And it looks like its happening again - bird flu being spread by one trader trucking turkeys around Europe. When will we ever learn? Not 'boooootiful' but 'floooootiful'! Anyway, enough of that and on to the much more interesting tale of my weekly shop, which actually was pretty dull. In at lunchtime and very quiet - probably because it's f****** freezing outside. First, the duvets (you'll remember these have taken over from the wooden boxes which have gone to the great sawmill in the sky). Well, they're still here and it looks like very few, if any, have sold as the pile is still pretty impressive. The down has not gone down! I can't see them still being there next week, I'm afraid. Next, pains. Pains? Yes, 'petit pains' which I think is French for small rolls (this reminds me, I once heard a French girl try to say 'wholemeal rolls' - great sport, if you know a Frenchie give it a go). Anyway Sainsbury's bake them in store and sell them in 2s and 4s. They look very nice and the French name on the label gives them a little more je ne sais quoi but the problem is they always seem to be stale! I have bought them in the past to find the next day, even though still in date, they have turned into 'petit rochers' and have to be fed to my brown friend outside the back door. So, tempting as they were I bought some rolls with poppy seeds on instead. Are they really poppy seeds I wonder or is this just shopspeak for black bits? OK, on to my prawns which this week were 'Caught in the North West or North East Atalntic Ocean'. I think Sainsbury's are warming to my advice to just label them as 'From anywhere other than the UK' and being done with it! Something that warmed my heart today happened during my lamb chops purchasing decision-making process. As I was thrusting aside the New Zealand lamb (God only knows the food miles involved in bringing lamb all the way from New Zealand) I came across some Welsh lamb chops. OK, nothing too unusual in that but on the pack there was a photograph of one of Sainsbury's lamb suppliers, in this case David Williams from Powys. He looks like a decent, honest and hardworking individual and the Welsh name, ruddy face, 5 bar gate and grassy slope behind all added to the heartwarmingness of it all. Great! At the check out I felt like a real regular customer as I now recognise and am on monosyllabic speaking terms with a few of the cashiers. I haven't progressed beyond 'I'll manage' when asked if I want help packing but in another few weeks the queue behind me will be miles long as I chat to Danuta, Mikela, Bronsk, Stronk etc about the weather, Nectar points, Basics and the like. But this was tempered by the fact that 'The Big 5 Drive' is no more! It only lasted from 10 January until 6 February and not having won I never got the chance to find out what happened to the lucky winners. How very disappointing. If any of my reader (sic) did win please e-mail me and let me know what happened! Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket instead to cheer myself up, but then again perhaps not as, having mentiond it here, Camelot will no doubt suffer a major disaster before I've collected my jackpot (£10) win.

Items bought 31

Cost £43.86

Average cost per item £1.41

Checkout number 17

Nectar Points balance 332

THURSDAY 1 FEBRUARY 2007 - PARKING & BARKING

Great excitement in the car park today! As I was going in there was an Enterprise rent-a-van going out through the in! Now, when you go in the in you go in on the outside but after you've gone in the in you have to go from the outside into the inside and as the van was too tall to go into the inside he had to turn round and go back out the in. And to guide him out was a smartly dressed young man with a walkie talkie (are they still called this?) who was somewhat vertically challenged (but not so much that he would fit inside the barrier machine ... ). Not only all of this but also there was much consternation in the queue for the exit barrier as someone had skidded and I think run into the car in front. So, another smartly dressed young man with a walkie talkie was getting some grief from a Jaguar driver. Now what have I been saying about the deteriorating road surface for the last few months? Remember, you heard (read) it here first! I feel a letter or a phone call to the car park owners coming on. Phew - after all this drama and trauma shopping in Sainsbury's was bound to be a bit of a let down but actually there was quite a bit going on this week. First, the boxes. Gone. As I predicted, they presumably didn't sell and they've been sent to the great sawmill in the sky. But, ever entrepreneurial, Sainsbury's have replaced them with ... a pile of duvets! Wherever is all this stuff coming from? Eastern Europe, perhaps, with the Basics deliveries? Next, Sainsbury's is going the dogs! No, not really, in fact dogs are going to Sainsbury's - there was a man with a rucksack with a tiny dog (not sure of the breed) peeking out of it. Very cute, but surely only guide dogs are allowed in the store? Luckily it didn't bark otherwise goodness only knows what would have happened. One for the Health & Safety boys, I feel. Much mirth at the cheese & ham counter today. A customer's mobile phone rang, nothing unusual about that but it had the 'diddle dee dee dee, diddle dee dee dee, diddle dee dee dee' ring tone (the one you hear most often and the most annoying) but the phone's battery must have been nearly out of charge as the key, pitch or whatever got slower and lower as the tune progressed. It sounded really good - "I want that one" as Andy from Little Britain says! Now, prawns. I decided to buy some to go with my avocado (my weekly treat). I decided against the 'Basics' as they looked a little undernourished and instead alighted on some large juicy looking ones which I was dismayed to read had been 'cultivated in Indonesia, Ecuador, Honduras or Nicaragua'. Good grief! Talk about Sainsbury's hedging their bets! Why not just say 'from anywhere other than the UK' and be done with it? Not sure about them being 'cultivated' either, this has a 'modified' ring to it don't you think? And as Indonesia and the Central American countries are on opposite sides of the world where do all these prawns meet up prior to being packed for Sainsbury's? The little known country of Crustacea presumably! Whilst in the check out queue I noticed a new leaflet, this time advertising Sainsbury's Energy. I had no idea that Sainsbury's were buying and selling gas and electricity (can anybody do this I wonder?) but, needless to say, I picked up a copy of the leaflet. I was expecting the usual comparisons with other suppliers but I was misstaken! Instead Sainsbury's simply say that not only will 'you will enjoy competitive energy prices' but also 'you could earn up to 6200 Nectar points in the first year' and this is followed by a complicated table which shows how you could indeed earn up to 6200 Nectar points in the first year. Now, as you now know 500 Nectar points are equivalent to £2.50, so 6200 points will save you the princely sum of £31.00. But, having said that, £31.00 is £31.00 so I will check out the offering in more detail and report back. I still haven't bought my shares in Sainsbury's yet and, my goodness, I should have done as they went up by 13% today! Some talk of Sainsbury's being bought for their prime locations (alas, not the one I shop in unfortunately) but, of course, the real reason is that having learned about my intention to invest all my readers have piled in to the stock thereby forcing up the price. Fame at last! Well, that's just about it for this week apart from to report that I yet again didn't win a prize in 'The Big 5 Drive'. So much for every other person winning - that's 3 times I've not won.

Items bought 33

Cost £47.84

Cost per item £1.44

Checkout number 16

Nectar Points balance 246 (1000 cashed in for an 'Instant Reward' as it says on my bill. Sounds interesting!)