A Year at Sainsbury's

My diary of weekly trips to Sainsbury's to do my shopping whilst my wife is abroad for a year!

SATURDAY 30 DECEMBER 2006 – TREASON REASON?

Oh dear. I’ve made a terrible mistake! For some bizarre reason I thought that Sainsbury’s Chief Executive’s first name was John. But it isn’t. It’s Justin. King. So all my diary entries referring to King John are completely wrong! Whilst this is probably high treason, luckily treason (along with piracy with violence) ceased to be a capital (hanging) offence in 1998 so I will live to tell the tale (which I am doing). I’ve thought about going back and changing all my entries to King Justin (it doesn’t have the same ring about it, does it?) but I’ve decided against it. But now I know why he didn’t send me a Christmas card! Anyway, what’s done is done. Please accept my apologies Mr King (which is how I will refer to him from now on because I’m a creep, a weirdo … ). The good news is that I’ve checked out Sainsbury’s life assurance offer over the Christmas break. After the excitement of opening my present (sic) I needed something inane to do. I decided against getting a quote as such life insurance I have was put in place many years ago (I am of a certain age) and to compare it with a quote today wouldn’t be a fair comparison. So, instead, I got a quote for a 34 year old non-smoking woman (one not on fire presumably) for £50,000 of level cover for a 15 year term. Why, I hear you ask. Well, it’s the example in the Sainsbury’s leaflet. And guess what? The Sainsbury’s website wouldn’t give me a quote as the monthly premium would be less than £5 which is very odd as the leaflet says the monthly premium would be £5. So, I steadily increased the sum insured (or is it assured?) until it would quote me to find that the non-smoking etc woman could actually get £63,065 of cover for a £5 monthly premium, ie a better deal than the £5 per month in the leaflet! I’m not sure what to make of this – it’s good that the leaflet is prudent (to use Gordon Brown’s favourite expression) but it’s somewhat alarming that it’s wrong. Perhaps in the time since the leaflet was printed Sainsbury’s have decided to look more kindly on 34 year old non-smoking women? But the date on the back of the leaflet (under the small print – only 5 lines this time) is only 11/2006 and surely life assurance rates can’t have changed that much in only a month or so? Maybe Mr King’s wife fits the bill (little) and so some subtle changes have been made to get her a better deal??? ‘Every little helps’ as the saying goes… Anyway, on to this week’s shop. First, flour. OK not my usual purchase I admit but it’s on the list so must be bought. And, bravely, I buy Basics flour because the slogan on the bag reads ‘A little less refined. Still rises to the occasion.’ and I feel some affinity to this statement being a bit rough myself and still being able to rise to the occasion (albeit occasionally, if you know what I mean). The mince pies are half price this week – I wonder if they will get even cheaper as the weeks go by? Or will they just disappear from the shelves? Something to look out for as I’m not worried about eating mince pies in April and by then they could be really cheap! The pork and egg cutting pie (remember this?) is also half price so, gleefully, I buy a chunk. Talking of eggs, amidst the barn eggs, free range eggs etc are eggs from … France! Now I’ve nothing against our French friends but is it really necessary for Sainsbury’s to buy in eggs from France – surely we have enough production in Britain to satisfy demand? It certainly looked like it from the egg area in the store. I went completely mad this week and bought a medium chicken for £2.99 and, yes, you guessed it, they are all £2.99. Can anyone explain how all the small and medium chickens can be exactly the same weight and same price? Sadly, there was one solitary turkey for sale, nearing its sell by date and looking a little miserable. And not even a Bernard Matthews one! I suspect it will never be sold now and will have to go into Sainsbury’s brown friend outside their back door. Finally, I nearly got bonked in the car park (I thought my Christmas wish had come true). Someone was doing the ‘backing up to get into a car parking space’ routine and didn’t see me coming up behind. Luckily I have quick reactions and was able to get into reverse before my front was re-arranged. Just as well, as the offending vehicle was one of those foreign noisy exhaust and wing on boot types driven by … you know what I mean. Talking of the car park one of the signs reads ‘No vehicle can leave the car park without putting their ticket into the paystation’. What dreadful English! First, as ‘vehicle’ is single ‘their’ should be ‘its’ (without an apostrophe) but as vehicles cannot put tickets into machines, whilst the statement would then be grammatically correct, it would be complete nonsense. So, I suggest a good old plain English statement like ‘You cannot leave the car park unless you have put your ticket into the paystation’. Eat your heart out Lynne Truss!

Items bought 40
Cost £52.22
Cost per item £1.30
Checkout number 18
Nectar Points balance Unknown (have yet to reclaim my card from thieving wife)

SUNDAY 24 DECEMBER 2006 – "ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES IN SAINSBURY’S …"

Damn. Back again on Christmas Eve. We actually ran out of some things before the great day! So I’m back for some speed shopping (a bit like speed dating, but with a trolley). And I’m in and out in record time (don’t ask). And as I got it all in a basket (just) I was able to go through one of the ‘Baskets Only’ checkouts (another one off the list!). But then … disaster. No Nectar card. I think my wife kept it after the great theft of points on 21 December and so as my bill says ‘Using a Nectar card today would have earned 52 Nectar points’ this has cost me 25p. Oh well. Happy Christmas (again and for the last time – hopefully … ).

Items bought 13
Cost £26.12
Cost per item £2.00
Checkout number 6
Nectar Points balance Not known (see above)

THURSDAY 21 DECEMBER 2006 – A MERRY XMAS TO ALL MY READER (sic)

My problems are solved! She who writes the lists is now back for Christmas and today we are in Sainsbury’s doing the last big shop together before the Big Day. And there are more than 3 days to go so we are well ahead of ourselves. No last minute Christmas Eve panic buying for Mr & Mrs Organised! And it goes like clockwork. The puzzling items on the e-mailed list are easily dealt with and acquired, the pancettas are back in stock (I buy 4 to celebrate) and all the unlisted items that are de rigeur (French) at Christmas such as clementines, stuffing, gammon, aluminium foil etc are gleefully swept into the (large) trolley. And to cap it all both the ingress and egress barriers on the car park are broken so everyone parks for free at Christmas. There is a God! One of the good things for me about buying unusual items is that the till roll or whatever it’s called reveals yet more interesting purchases. ‘Olde English Chest Stuff’, for example. This sounds like a cure for pneumonia sold by a vendor off the back of a cart in the 1700s (no lorries then). And then there’s a ‘Colgate Pump’. This could well be a stomach pump for those of you who bought the Bernard Matthew’s half price turkeys! Or to deal with an excess of Olde English Chest Stuff perhaps? Interestingly aluminium foil comes up as turkey foil on the till roll – presumably calling it aluminium foil is politically and environmentally incorrect these days? I must remember to put it in the recycling. Talking of remembering I just remembered I saw a Sainsbury’s lorry on the motorway recently … in the Basics livery! I tried to see if it had an Eastern European number plate but the rain and spray made this impossible. OK, that’s it, back again after the festivities are over! Happy Christmas!

Items bought 111
Cost £222.55 (huge)
Cost per item £2.00
Checkout number 22
Nectar Points balance 874 (my wife cashed in (stole) 500 points)

MONDAY 18 DECEMBER 2006 – DISORIENTATION SITUATION

Well, the Christmas shopping list has arrived by e-mail from Turbolister in mainland Europe and I am attacking it with gusto. The main problem, however, is I have no idea where some of this stuff is in the store and therefore I am suffering from severe disorientation. For example, I cannot for the life of me find panacota, pannaccotta, pan .. little bits of bacon so I ask a most helpful assistant who troops around the store with me and he asks another assistant and all three of us troop around the store and eventually find them … all sold out. Of course, it didn’t help that what I was looking for was actually pancetta! Whatever, despite my intention that all my Christmas shopping will be done in one visit to the table (as they say on the snooker programmes) it looks like I’ll be back again later in the week. I have to say this takes the pressure off as I’m not sure about some of the items on the list (incorrect purchasing will not be tolerated) and will need to refer to Ms Lister for guidance and clarification. I am, however, proud of being able to track down rubber gloves (don’t ask). Having searched in vain I finally spot an unsavoury item removal operative (cleaner) wearing some rather fetching examples and she points me with her rubber finger (again, don’t ask) in the right direction. On going into to Sainsbury’s this time there is a huge banner over the door offering Bernard Matthews’ turkeys at half price! Now, there’s a tempting offer. Booooootifull, in fact. But, hold on, I thought Matthews stuff was complete crap as all his turkey products are reconstituted from bits of bird smuggled in from Eastern Europe in the middle of the night (I’ve heard this before!). So presumably he has complete kits of parts (bones, breast, skin, glue etc) from which he builds turkeys? And, of course, no-one buys them because they are horrible so out come the banners advertising them at half price. I think I’ll pass if you don’t mind Bernard. I have to ask on the enquiry desk for £1 to pay the ransom to get my trolley released and the enquiree (he who receives enquiries) proudly announces that I am the fourth person that day (it’s around 4pm) who has asked a similar question! Nice that there is someone else who remembers completely useless information like this - a man after my own heart. Sainsbury’s is quite festive today, the carols are in full swing as you go in and the assistants have decorated themselves with tinsel, red fleeces, those funny reindeer ear type things you stick on top of your head etc etc. They have also set up a lectern at a strategic position in view of the checkouts manned by a young lady who is ensuring that everything works like clockwork – and, good for her, it does as the queues are not too bad at all. The good thing about Christmas for me is that most of the checkouts are open so with a bit of luck I can go through one that is normally closed, thereby crossing another number off my list! Anyway, back soon … (as those annoying little stickers on shop doors say, the lying hounds).

Items bought 52
Cost £75.13
Cost per item £1.44 (why so low?)
Checkout number 23 (damn, been through this one before)
Nectar Points balance 930

THURSDAY 14 DECEMBER – SURPRISE PRIZE

Things are looking up! Today there was a big swanky Bentley in the car park. Perhaps it was King John on a royal visit or maybe someone’s chauffeur noticed both the ingress and egress barriers were out of action? When my year is finished I will have to calculate the % of times that I would have parked for free because the barrier was not working had I not had the ‘spend more than £15 at Sainsbury’s and park for free’ pass. If you see what I mean……. Well, what goes round comes round. The TalkTalk representative was there again and asked me the same question as before – ‘Do you mind if I ask you a question?’ but, this time, before I could reply coolly ‘No, but I won’t reply’ she asked me two questions. I guess there might have been a remote possibility that I was interested in TalkTalk but not when she asked ‘Do you collect Nectar points’ as her opening gambit! This was followed quickly by ‘Do you have a BT landline?’. I mumbled ‘No’ to both questions and hurried on. The prospect of being bogged down with Nectar points from someone other than Sainsbury’s fills me with horror – one bee (nectar provider) is enough! Now, salmon. I know there is a big hoohah about farmed salmon, something about it being dangerous and it does look spectacularly pink, but I buy it nonetheless. I nearly got caught out, though, this week as lurking within the salmon display was salmon farmed in … Norway. And, needless to say, it’s cheaper than Scottish farmed salmon, so if you buy the cheapest without reading the labels you end up with salmon from Norway. Norwegian farmed salmon is probably only a small step away from surimi, you remember - the somewhat questionable mushy stuff that I bought a few weeks ago in the interests of research, which ended up in my brown friend outside the back door. Anyway, celebrations are in order today – Sainsbury’s have won another award! This time they’ve won the Wine Supermarket of the Year (despite not selling wine from their own country – good job I wasn’t a judge). I have to say this comes as a real surprise. OK, they have lots of the stuff but are they really any better than any other supermarket? The Sainsbury’s website says that their recent focus has been to ‘improve the shopability of the wine aisle’. Whatever does that mean? In my local store it’s the same width and length as it always has been with bottles on shelves and some special offer stickers (which this week referred to wines that weren’t there – shopinability presumably). Maybe I will check if ‘shopability’ is in the dictionary – I suspect it’s some marketing speak which is completely over the head of mere mortals like me! Also the website says that 85 new wines have been introduced. How can that possibly be? The shelves are the same length and height so it can only mean one thing … some lines have been dropped. Aha! Perhaps that’s what happened to their English wine. The judges were ‘particularly impressed by high level of training Sainsbury’s gives its collegues (sic – you will be!) in the wine department and … the information offered to customers’. Well, whilst training is very laudable what benefit do I, the customer, get from this? The only evidence I’ve seen is the stocker upper (he who stocks up) is very helpful and seems to know his grapes from his onions but I bet he hasn’t had any of this ‘high level of training’. And what ‘information?’. This implies there are helpful little write ups on each wine saying things like ‘excellent with cold meats and cheese’ or ‘complements surimi’ (note I have spelt ‘complements’ correctly, although perhaps it should be ‘spelled’?) but there aren’t! So it seems that what the judges ‘found’ is not borne out by the reality at the local store level. Anyway, on to the checkout. Today my cashier started talking to himself! I asked if he was OK, to which he replied that he was not staying on after 2pm which is when his shift ended as he wouldn’t be paid any extra and blah blah blah. I sympathised with him but strangely he has little pride in working for a company that has been voted Supermarket of the Year and Wine Supermarket of the Year. And, of course, on reflection, I don’t think King John could have been visiting today in his swanky Bentley as if he had my cashiering friend would have been falling over himself to stay on late. But then again perhaps not!

Items bought 31
Cost £53.80
Cost per item £1.73
Checkout number 14 (three times now, so tops the table)
Nectar points balance 780

THURSDAY 7 DECEMBER – NOT GOING GREEN

Well I uncovered some surprising bananial (the adjective of banana) facts this week! Remember the green bananas I bought last week and my surmission (the noun of the verb surmise) that they would be dead cheap because Sainsbury’s probably paid very little for them? How wrong could I have been!!! There they were again this week being sold in a pack of 5 for 99p with no clue of their price per kilogram on the packaging (I thought that all food had to have this on the label?). So, I weighed them and found they were 0.7 kilograms. Doing the math means that they cost £1.41 per kilogram. This is hugely more expensive than loose bananas at 85p per kilogram (loose meaning they have become debunched) and Basics bananas which come in at 78p per kilogram. How can this be? Why should we have to pay more for the pleasure of watching them turn from green to yellow in the comfort of our own homes? Sainsbury’s, explain yourself please! Whatever, it’s the Basics for me from now on (despite my wariness Basics I really can’t see what can be wrong with Basics bananas, unless you know differently!). I asked again for English wine today on the principle that if I ask for it often enough the wine stocker upper (he who stocks up the wine) will get a message to the manager who will get a message to the regional manager and so on up to King John that there is a real demand for it and stock it they will. Bit of a long shot I know but worth a try. He said no it was no longer stocked but then was incredibly knowledgeable about which wines were good value etc etc and I took his advice and bought a New Zealand something or other (which was good!). I have checked out the home insurance and …… oh dear. First, the programme crashed right at the end of the answering of questions bit just as I was about to push the ‘Get Premium’ button. Ever persistent I tried again but the same thing happened. Up came one of those messages that are unintelligible unless you speak Icelandic, you know the ones with the little red circle in the top left corner. This one said ‘R6025 – Pure Virtual Function Call. Runtime Error’. Of course! I thought of that as soon as it happened. But, hold on, this must have been caused by Sainsbury’s, a good job it wasn’t serious otherwise it could have resulted in a claim! Whatever, this is not good, I know my wife’s computer is 5 years old but I’m surprised this could have happened. Come on Sainsbury’s please get this sorted! So, on to my computer (we are a multi-computer family) to try again. Now, my computer is a real cracker. My old one was forever old and, last year, looking at the Dell catalogue that comes with the Sunday papers (I suspect the only person ever to have done this) I saw one labelled as an ideal starter computer with a picture of two youngsters looking lovingly at the screen. All for £250 including VAT (for once they actually included VAT in the price quoted) and delivery (but excluding youngsters). So I bought one and….. it’s great! Anyway, this time I put in some realistic amounts for valuables and expensive single items and the like and kept getting a ‘You must ring us, we cannot do this online’ sort of message. So I bring these amounts steadily downwards until they are accepted, push the ‘Get Premium’ button and, somewhat inevitably, the amount is much more expensive than I’m currently paying for much higher levels of cover. So, thumbs down I’m afraid! Next week, life insurance (which could be tricky as I am ‘of a certain age’ albeit in good health). Next, the asterisks on the bill. These are items which include VAT. Simple, really, I should have realised this. There is a surprising range of stuff that includes VAT – wine, crisps, calendar (2007, I am thinking ahead) and even fruit juice. I did a bit of research and crisps are not regarded as food (how true!) and hence attract VAT, calendars are stationery not books (which are VAT free), wine you can understand as the Government is hell bent on grabbing as much tax as possible on anything remotely pleasurable but fruit juice?? I wondered it if it was a mistake and so sent an e-mail to Tropicana who indeed confirmed that fruit juice like fizzy drinks and the like attracts VAT. Completely bizarre. Why not make it VAT free and hence cheaper and hence more attractive than the unhealthy fizzy drinks? Why not, indeed. I did find out about the ‘Published Terms & Conditions Apply’ message at the bottom of the bill but the answer was so strange I need to do some more research before publishing my findings. I parked in bay 279 this week in the car park. This is the furthest space from the entrance on the dizzy heights of level 5 (or was it 6?). Can’t remember, must have been altitude sickness. Felt a real sense of pride as I assume I have boldly gone where none have gone before (what was that from?) but nearly got blown away as it was bloody windy up there in the jetstream!

Items bought 24
Cost £44.28
Cost per item £1.84 (higher as I bought a book)
Checkout number 18 (first time!)
Nectar points balance 674

THURSDAY 30 NOVEMBER – “YES, WE HAVE GREEN BANANAS….”

Well I saw something today that I’ve never seen before. As I was going into the car park there was a man with a handful of chips! So what, I hear you ask. But this was a momentous sighting – to find out why you will have to hang in until the end of this week’s diary. And then there was another rare site – an outgoing customer about to return his trolley to the herd (and in the store rather than in the car park). Quick as a flash I offered him £1 which he accepted! So, no need to have to shove the coin in the slot and then wrestle with the chainy thing that always seems to get caught in the trolley as you decouple it from its mate. To be fair, I have actually done this before and I remember once getting caught out because when I came to return the trolley and recover my £1, guess what? No £1. One of those escapees from the herd I was talking about a few weeks ago. So before I ‘did the deal’ as the saying goes I had a quick look to make sure his slot was filled (not sure I should say that but you know what I mean….). So, what was in store in the store for me today? Frankly, not much and I was in a BIG rush so my usual sharp eye spent more time looking at the clock (I don’t wear a watch) than for gems from King John’s world for my diary. Anyway I did buy very green bananas today which go by the title of ‘home ripen’ rather than ‘much too soon to be picked’. I wonder if Sainsbury’s actually order unripe bananas or whether they come in with all the other bananas and rather than reject them Sainsbury’s have thought up a neat name so they can sell them as normal. And I wonder if they are cheaper than yellow bananas? I hope so as I bet Sainsbury’s pay little or nothing for them. So, I looked back over my bills (neatly ‘kept for my records’) and most of the time I buy ‘bananas loose’ at 85p per kilo, although sometimes I am charged by the bunch ‘bananas x 5’ or ‘bananas x 6’ and once, God help me, I bought some ‘Basics bananas’. Whatever were these I wonder? Anyway, as I’m a bit short of news, I think I will take stock as to what I am currently investigating and where it’s all got to. This will be helpful to new readers of my diary who can’t be bothered to go back to the beginning and read all the early stuff. So, here goes….. - 1) I’ve investigated Nectar points and I now understand how they work but I remain to be convinced all the messing about is worth it for the less than 1% ‘cashback’ I get from my purchases; 2) I’m still waiting to see the ‘Published Terms and Conditions’ as I bet these are gripping read; 3) I haven’t investigated the ‘Think 21’ and ‘Think 18’ entries that appear on my bill; 4) Neither have I investigated the items marked with a * on my bill; 5) I’ve checked out a number of Sainsbury’s leaflets offering ‘cheap this’ and ‘better that’ and most (all?) are pretty grim. Currently I’m checking out the Home Insurance offer and will report next week (which it is already as this diary entry is late!); 6) I’m worried about the ‘Basics’ range and have started to look at this; and 7) last but not least I’ve noticed that all the small chickens weigh exactly 1.3 kilograms week in, week out which I find unnerving. Anyway, the moment you have been waiting for has arrived…… the man with a handful of chips. Well he was was actually mending the car park machine! Now, how exciting is that? He had circuit boards, wires and other electronic wizardry all over his lap and, amazingly, he fixed it whilst I was doing my shopping and the exit barrier was in fine working order when I left. Just a couple of closing things – remember Lorraine Quiche and Warburton Crusty on my bill? This week I had a Pain Rustique which sounds like something you get in the lower back when you dig the garden! And, horror of horrors, this afternoon I was doing a bit of spring cleaning at home (a bit late I know, or for those of you whose cups are always half full, a little early) and I found empty boxes with the dreaded ‘orange and white smuggled in from Eastern Europe in the dead of night’ look which contained a ‘Basics’ toaster and a ‘Basics’ kettle. Aaaarrgghhh! Whenever (and whoever) bought these???? And where are they now……………..? Finally finally, for the lottery lovers amongst you to date I have gone through the following checkouts – 10, 11 (twice), 12, 13 (twice), 14 (twice), 15 (twice), 16 (twice), 19 (twice), 21 and 23. You'll remember that there are 18 real checkouts from 7 to 24 (the other 6 are cash only/10 items or less) and I've been through 10 of them in 16 weeks so there are only 8 to go (I've resolved to have gone through them all in my Year at Sainsbury's). Not bad, huh?

Items bought 22
Cost £41.05
Cost per item £1.86 (higher as I bought a DVD for my daughter’s birthday)
Checkout number 15
Nectar points balance 586